Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe
by WickedLucy
Summary: I'll be damned if I let her die like this. Not now, not after everything we've been through. CLEXA
1. Chapter 1

_Alright, guys, we've all been traumatized by the tragic events of last week's episode of The 100, and I, like many many others (bless them all) decided to take matters into my own hands and change Lexa's fate. It is simple enough: Lexa does get shot, but doesn't die. A few things I want to say:_

 _1) It starts right at the moment Lexa gets shot, and this first part might be a bit rushed because I honestly didn't want to relive that scene for too long. Hopefully you'll feel that the pacing adjusts itself as the story goes by._

 _2) I am not sure how many chapters this story will have, but I imagine not that many, as they are pretty long. Either way, I will try to update a new one each time an episode of The 100 starts airing, although I'll probably post during next week's short hiatus as well. Promise I'll try!_

 _3) **I PROMISE YOU ALL HERE AND NOW THAT THIS STORY WILL NOT SEE ANY CHARACTER DEATH AND CLEXA WILL BE OK AND HAPPY!** I usually don't give it away at the very beginning of a fic (I am, however, a sucker for happy endings), but I feel like this is necessary, given recent events._

 _4) I tried to make things as accurate as possible (especially medical stuff and the trigedasleng, which will have the translations at the end of each chapter), but if I make any mistakes, feel free to let me know! Obviously, sometimes we need a little stretch for the sake of the story - and for the sake of not killing Lexa, so I'm sure we can all be ok with that._

 _5) Oh, and the disclaimer thing: OBVIOUSLY NEITHER I NOR ANY MEMBER OF THE CLEXA FANDOM OWES ANY OF THIS SHIT OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE REWRITING IT ON FANFIC, NOW WOULD WE? ¬¬_

 _Here we go! Enjoy! ^^_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

The shots have stopped. That is the first thing that registers on Clarke's mind. Her second thought is to look down upon her own body – certainly, if Titus is no longer shooting, he probably got what he wanted – but there is nothing. No blood, no wounds.

Then, she hears her gasp.

"Lexa!"

Dark blood seeps from the Commander's torso, so dangerously close to her heart. She looks scared. She looks confused, not understanding what is happening, not used, in a world that is built on violence, to that particular, destructive kind.

Before anyone knows what is happening, her body is falling. Clarke catches her just before she hits the ground, letting out a sob as her eyes meet Lexa's, still open, still looking back at her.

They take her to the bed, Titus having forgotten about their earlier feud entirely, all his worry directed now to his Heda.

Everything else keeps happening, but Clarke's mind is spinning, her hands pressing firmly on the wound – still bleeding – before one of them reaches out to brush Lexa's hair as the brunette takes her last breaths and Titus removes her 'soul' from within her now still body.

"Let the Conclave begin," Titus' voice is filled with grief as he announces the words, carrying the small packet with him, and closing the doors after announcing he will be back soon for the body.

Clarke doesn't move from her spot, her left hand softly brushing through the cheeks that were so full of life mere minutes ago, fingers touching the mouth she had kissed so many times she was convinced her body needed to make up for all the months they spent apart. It starts with a sob, and then she pulls Lexa's whole body into her, burying her face into the brunette's neck, letting the tears wash some of the black blood away.

She does not remember feeling loss like this. It wasn't the same with Wells, it wasn't the same with Finn. It always manifests in different ways, she assumes, but _this,_ it is too much.

Her lips move to place one last kiss to the girl's jaw, then down her neck. Kisses that have nothing to do with desire and everything to do with reverence, the need to remember each part of the girl she has come to love.

That is when she feels it. It is faint, so faint, but it is there.

Nearly jumping from her place, she rushes to Murphy, untying the rest of the ropes around him. "You need to go and find Octavia," she isn't sure how she can find her voice, but it is strong, resolute, "And you need to come back here, _fast_. We need to get her out before they come back."

"Clarke, what are you talking about? We can't walk away from here with her body, they will be back any minute."

"Then stop wasting time and go, now!"

"Why do you want to risk this? Taking her out of here?"

"Because," she rushes back to Lexa, bandages in hand, once more pressing against the wound while gently wrapping another one around her neck to cover the cut made by Titus when removing the AI inside her, "She's still alive."

x-x-x-x-x

"Lexa, hey, I told you I am not letting you die, and I mean it, but I need your help, ok? I need you to fight," Clarke's entire body shakes as she cleans and wraps Lexa's wounds the best way she can in as few minutes as she can. Every sound makes her jump in surprise, but so far no one has come. Not Titus, not Murphy.

The Commander remains exactly the same as before, eyes closed, breathing and heartbeats so faint Clarke needs to check at least twice to be sure.

She knows she cannot risk telling any of the Grounders around them. Many of them would probably be glad to kill Lexa, especially now that, technically, their almighty Heda's spirit already rests inside a small metal box, far away from that room, ready to choose its successor.

It is a risk she is not willing to take.

Getting out of there and facing all of them to get Lexa to safety where she can be healed? _That_ is the risk worth taking.

But nearly five minutes have passed, and no sign of her friends. She cannot wait. Lexa cannot wait.

Quietly opening the door, the blonde sees both guards outside the room unconscious and tied up, certainly Murphy's work as he made his way out. Something her ears didn't catch as their main priority was to catch a heartbeat. But it is her window.

The building is so quiet, more so than normal, and she imagines most of the people in it must be gathered to be given the news, maybe preparing a ceremony and the conclave, no one expecting her to be going anywhere, let alone with the former Commander in her arms. She goes back and carefully lifts Lexa's body from the bed, checking and noticing the bandages stain with more blood as she does so. She needs to move fast.

Lexa is light as a feather, but soon Clarke's arms ache and she isn't sure how much longer she can carry her, but the adrenaline, fear, it all keeps her going. Until she hears steps coming right towards them.

There isn't a single place to hide, the only thing she can do is hold Lexa's body closer, try to protect her from whoever is coming, hold her breath and hope that, by some miracle, the person is friend rather than foe.

A tall brunette, who Clarke immediately recognizes as part of the village that just brought Octavia as a prisoner, turns around, eyes enraged upon seeing her. "Wanheda." No, she isn't willing to let them pass. Maybe she doesn't even recognize who it is that Clarke is carrying, because she lunges at them both, and Clarke tries to move, but everything happens slowly, and it is so hard. So she holds Lexa even closer, and closes her eyes, bracing herself for an attack that never comes.

Her eyes don't open again until she feels someone trying to take Lexa from her arms. "What are you…?"

Stopping dead in her tracks, all words lost to her, she can only sigh in relief as she is met with the faces of Octavia, Murphy… and Indra, all walking over the now lifeless body of the woman who was about to inflict the same fate upon her. Indra is the first to speak, as Octavia carefully picks Lexa's body up. "We don't have much time. Your horses are waiting."

They all but run out of the building, Octavia and Clarke killing as many as it takes. No alarm, no order is given, and she imagines it has to do with the events taking place inside. "I can't feel anything. Not her heart, not her breathing," Indra looks gravely at Clarke, "You can't save her. She has a few minutes, maybe not even that. She's lost too much blood."

One look at Lexa tells Clarke – and everyone, really – that she may indeed be slipping away soon. She checks her pulse, for the umpteenth time. "She won't survive the ride like this," she breathes deeply, placing two fingers right above the girl's pulse point and starting a gentle massage, "This will lower her heartbeat, but I need something, something more… drastic," her gaze locks with Indra and Octavia's, the former nodding and walking away from the group. "I know what you need. Get the horses ready, I will be back."

Clarke can swear she hears the warrior calling her _branwoda_ – a fool – before making a turn into the market. She looks at Lexa again and can see where Indra is coming from – she does look dead already. _But she isn't,_ she tells herself, _and she is strong. She can survive this._

x-x-x-x-x

"Indra, I know what this is. It's poison," Clarke examines the small vial, which is promptly taken from her hands by the older woman.

"Not with the right dosage. We use it in battle for our wounded to make it back to camp," as her words are out, so is the lid, the liquid almost being poured inside Lexa's mouth, when Clarke's hand stops her.

"And how many of your wounded make it back alive after this? She is too weak right now, she can't take this."

"She is dead anyway, you are the one who can't accept that."

And, this time, she does not wait for Clarke's permission before spilling the contents in her Commander's mouth.

"She may start seizing soon, so I recommend you run. If she makes it to the next 24 hours, there is a chance."

"Lot of _ifs_ and _mays_ there," Clarke swallows hard, "But I am not letting her die," she approaches her horse, mounting on it and letting the others hoist Lexa's body behind her before Octavia also mounts, effectively keeping the Commander in place between them.

"We need to hurry, if we're not there in a few hours, she doesn't stand a chance," Octavia's voice is unusually young for the person Clarke has come to know, and she knows: even with all that's been said, all their differences, she will fight for Lexa to live, too.

Indra mounts another horse, and, finally, Murphy does the same before they all head out of Polis in full speed.

x-x-x-x-x

The seizures start less than thirty minutes after they leave, and Clarke needs to stop the horse more often than she would have liked, to make sure Lexa is safe and still alive. After the second time, the brunette's body falls limp, and she notices, relieved, that the desired effects are in place, the heartbeat now impossibly slow.

Now, they just need to keep her alive.

x-x-x-x-x

To think that they can walk inside Arkadia with Pike's most hated enemy only a breath away from death is a delusion. But the grounder army is starting to form around Clarke's former home, and they are given a tent promptly.

"I need my mother, and their supplies. I can't do this without her," Clarke's eyes reach Octavia's, and all it takes is a quick nod for the blonde to understand. She will find a way to bring Abby.

Meanwhile, as Lexa's almost lifeless body rests on a makeshift bed, Clarke sits right beside her, checking her vitals once more and noticing, in awe, that it is nearly a miracle that they are still there. "You're doing good," she whispers, moving a stray hair from her Commander's sweaty face in what she notices is their first moment alone ever since… everything. "You're fighting, and I know you must be tired, and I know it hurts, but I just need you to fight a little bit longer, ok? Promise me?" slowly biting her lips, she tastes salt and notices the tears falling from her eyes. "Promise you're not going anywhere, and I promise I'll stay on your side of the line, no matter what. _Yu ste klir nau, Heda._ " The promise is delivered in a soft whisper before she checks on the cut behind Lexa's neck. It doesn't worry her as much as it is superficial, although she isn't sure if removing whatever was removed from there may have any effects on the girl. It doesn't matter. Her main concern is the gunshot wound.

Even with her very limited knowledge, Clarke is almost sure that what saved Lexa's life was that the bullet passed right through her body and, mostly, that it missed her heart by an inch. But it still looks bad, even though the bleeding has stopped, probably due to the drug administered before.

Her mother is there faster than she expects, and she couldn't be more grateful. It doesn't take long until she reaches for a piece of equipment Clarke knows well. She hands it over to her daughter, trusting her to know what to do with it. "She needs blood. I'm not sure how it will work, I've never seen blood this color," she thinks out loud, unknowingly mirroring her daughter's words from a few weeks ago. "But we have to try. Test the ones who would be willing to help, we need someone from her clan."

"They'll help," Clarke nods and walks outside, unsurprised when Indra is the first to offer.

The real surprise, however, comes when, after testing two others, the third one refuses. And then another. And another.

" _Em laik yu Heda!"_

" _No! Leksa gonplei ste odon."_

It makes Clarke freeze in place. They know Lexa is no longer the Commander. As if reading her thoughts, a young warrior with dark skin and penetrating brown eyes moves towards her and smiles calmly before turning to the still small army before them. "A new commander has been chosen. _Ontari kom Azgeda_ orders that you focus your energy on battle, and nothing else," turning back to Clarke, he has the decency to look apologetic before speaking again, "And anyone who cannot fight must leave. You have two days."

The sense of panic is quickly replaced by a sense of purpose as she uses the equipment to pierce into her own skin. "Please, work." She begs, and after a few excruciating seconds, Clarke breathes more easily for the first time in what feels like days and runs back inside the tent, presenting her arm to her mother. "They won't help. But I can."

"Clarke, you know it should be one of them."

"I know, but this is the only choice we've got," she takes a seat and starts preparing the needles before Abby has the chance to protest any longer. "Let's get on with it, she can't wait."

Clarke watches as her mother gets everything ready, and it is a relief when she finally feels the pressure of the needle on her arm. Lexa doesn't have much time, and she can only hope that her blood won't make everything worse. The wounded leader lies in bed, chest and neck wrapped up in bandages, her clothes torn so that she could be attended to. Clarke sits on a small wooden box, letting Abby do what needs to be done, barely registering her own blood starting to flood towards Lexa. Her free arm reaches for the brunette's hand, fingers wrapping tightly around it, sighing when she doesn't feel the girl's fingers moving.

She remembers all the moments taken for granted, all the missed opportunities, all the time she spent ignoring Lexa's attempts at a conversation or any kind of reconciliation. She thinks of that first week once she got to Polis. One full week refusing to even see the Commander. And she just wants to break down and let the tears fall, but she can't. The tears will be allowed once nothing more is at stake. For now, Lexa needs her to be strong.

x-x-x-x-x

She cannot remember the last time she slept or ate. After the transfusion started, and seeing no signs of rejection, Abby allows herself to sit next to Clarke and ask, but the blonde can't think of such trivial things. "I'm fine, mom."

"Clarke, I'm doing all I can, but you need to understand how serious Lexa's situation is. You know that, right? You need to be ready for…"

"Well, I'm not. So she's not going anywhere," Clarke replies, her voice so quiet, but so determined. The same determination that can be seen on her eyes as they stare at the girl in question.

Abby kneels in front of her daughter, placing her hand on her knee and squeezing it softly. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"Is that a problem?" the younger Griffin asks, feeling herself getting defensive. She feels like she and Lexa always need to defend whatever it is that they have from others. They can never simply accept it.

But Abby, unlike others, shakes her head without hesitation, before the question is even finished. "Of course it isn't. Ever since that summit, she's done nothing but protect us."

"Yes, because I asked her to. And look where it got her."

"She knew it was the right thing to do," the former chancellor offers, getting up and placing a kiss on Clarke's forehead, "This is not your fault. Come on, let's take that needle out."

"What? But she's…"

"You're going to go into a coma yourself if you keep giving her blood. Let's give her time to recover."

If Clarke does allow her mom to stop the transfusion, it is not without protest. But Abby is right. She won't be of any help if she, too, is too sick to stand.

So, when her mother says that she needs to head back to Arkadia before they notice she's gone, Clarke says goodbye, calls for Indra and Octavia, the only people she can trust to protect Lexa, and leaves the tent to find them all some food.

And at night, when her tired body protests, refusing to hold her up any longer, she lies down next to Lexa, closes her eyes, and begs whatever force may be guiding their fate. " _Sis em au, beja._ " Help her, please.

x-x-x-x-x

The next day brings a new challenge as Abby informs them that it might take a few days for Lexa to wake up, if she ever does. Indra is helping lead the army, trying to work with Kane to prevent the war they both know is too close, now that there is a new Commander. Octavia is still safe inside Arkadia, but she spends as much time as she can training outside and informing Pike's opposition of anything that may be useful.

Clarke barely leaves the tent, having convinced her mother to try one more transfusion before they have to take Lexa elsewhere. The patient will need to be as strong and stable as possible if she is going to make another risky journey. The blonde eats, as Abby asks. She helps her change Lexa's bandages, and allows for the tiniest bit of hope to settle within her when she sees less blood in them, and a wound that doesn't look at menacing now as it did the day before.

Sleeping is considerably trickier. Each time Clarke closes her eyes, she is terrified she will open them to see more death, more loss. As long as she's awake, she can make sure they are safe. The most she gets, then, are short naps that are starting to take their toll on her. But this is not as important as the fact that, against all odds, the former Commander is alive. Still not out of the woods, but alive nonetheless. That alone is more than she could've hoped.

Just the day before, she was sure Lexa was lost to her forever. That she would never have a chance to make her smile again, to hear her voice, to look into her eyes and see the emotion, the strength, the _love_ there. And now, there's a chance. They can still have that.

"Have you decided where you're going?" Abby's hands make a quick job at removing all the needles from both Clarke and Lexa's arms once again, deciding the brunette had enough, and the blonde wouldn't be able to do this much longer and remain healthy.

Clarke, accepting her mother's decision for once, presses a small cloth against the spot in her arm and nods. "The dropship would be ideal, I think. But we would be too exposed there in case anyone decides to attack. There is one more place, a much safer one. But I'll need to go and…" she hesitates, not feeling like saying she needs to drag out the highly decomposing body of a grounder first, "…clean up. She'll need everything to be clean."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The smell inside the bunker would be enough to stop an entire grounder army from coming close, and for a moment Clarke thinks this might be a good idea. But she can't live there like this. Removing the body proves to be a much harder task than she'd anticipated – it's been months, after all – and by the end, she is laying against one of the walls, her head spinning, her body slowly lowering to the ground until her arms are wrapped around her knees, head resting over them.

She is tired. In every single way she can think of, and coming back to this place is hardly making it better. It reminds her of Finn and heartbreak, of Raven and her guilt over unknowingly betraying the girl, of love lost and trust conquered. All that has brought her to that point.

But the hours are passing, and she doesn't have the luxury of time to reminisce. If they are to be safe, she plans on having Lexa there before dawn, before the grounders even notice they are gone from camp, so that no one can follow.

"Back to work," a nod to herself, and she starts to clean, giving special attention to putting together the most comfortable bed she can. It won't be the same as Lexa's bed back in Polis, but it will be better than what they have now.

When she makes her way back into the tent and finds Octavia sitting by Lexa's side, Clarke wishes her friend would go with them. It is hardly safe to go back and forth from a place that despises all grounders – and probably considers her one – to one that is set to destroy the first and get blood the first chance it gets – and sees her as Skaikru. Octavia Blake has never belonged to the society she was born into. She never had the chance to meet people, to get a job, to be a part of the Ark. It wasn't until she landed on the ground that she had the chance to _live_ and start to find out who she was. Clarke can understand that, although she has a feeling her skaikru-turned-grounder friend doesn't believe that anyone could. And she respects the girl more than Octavia could imagine.

"How is she?" the blonde asks as she takes hurried steps towards the bed, taking a seat on the opposite side from Octavia.

"The same," is the answer she gets, but when she groans in frustration, Octavia rolls her eyes, "Which is _really_ good news, considering we didn't think she would make the trip here, don't you think? Stop pouting, Clarke, and eat something. You look awful." She offers her a plate with some fruit, which the blonde accepts. "How was it over there? Do you think you'll be ok?"

"Yes, it looks good enough, at least until she wakes up and we can decide what to do next."

"I talked to Indra, she'll give us the signal when it's safe to leave. I'll go with you, and keep guard on the way there. We also have transport to take her, it'll be better for her this way."

"Looks like you've been busy over here yourself. _Mochof,_ Octavia," the blonde eats a few pieces of fruit and promptly starts changing Lexa's bandages, not noticing the small smile on her friend's face at the use of the language. "How is everything at Arkadia?"

"Tense," the girl replies, and, despite the lump on Clarke's throat, she knows she doesn't want to ask her friend to elaborate. She has always put her people first, before her feelings, sometimes before her own beliefs, and definitely before Lexa. This time, it needs to be different.

Octavia, by some miracle, seems to understand.

x-x-x-x-x

Abby visits them one more time and helps them get ready to leave. The bunker, she says, should be easier to get to. Neither Pike nor any of his supporters know of its location, and it's far enough from the grounders that they won't suspect she is doing more than taking a walk or looking for food or herbs.

It sounds like music to Clarke's ears. For so long, she has survived without her mother, proving she is more than capable of taking care of herself. But being reunited has shown how much she _wants_ Abby around, even if she doesn't _need_ her as much.

What she does need is to be careful. As they pick Lexa up and lay her down onto the makeshift cart Indra arranged – and also made quite comfortable for the former Commander – Abby examines her one more time and assures she is stable. It is not such a long walk – well, for ground standards anyway – so they pack enough food for the way and to last them for the first few days, and wait until Indra gives them the signal. Octavia wastes no time in leading the way, helping Clarke guide the wheels which carry a still unconscious Lexa.

"If you guys can find a way to take out Pike from the inside, you can still prevent this war," Clarke speaks after walking half the way there in silence. The blonde is too lost in her thoughts, wishing they would stop and let her rest, but they never do. She will always worry about her people.

But Octavia, having been around and paying more attention than most people give her credit for, just scoffs. "Lexa's leadership was being challenged almost daily because she wanted peace. Most of them followed her, but disagreed with her. Don't you think the new Commander's first order of business will be to show all her strength?"

"So she'll likely undo everything Lexa accomplished," Clarke sighs upon seeing the nod that immediately follows. They both know it's true. "Then you guys should leave. Let Pike and his followers pay for their crimes and just… be safe. But drag your stupid brother with you."

The brunette warrior laughs, although it sounds sad and resigned. "Bellamy has made a choice. And every day he stands by it, he chooses again. But we have Kane. We have your mother. We have the others from the dropship. We won't let this war get to us."

"I hope you're right."

They both keep walking carefully and, as the night grows colder, Clarke stops to arrange a blanket over Lexa.

"I once thought of running away with Lincoln," the youngest Blake surprises Clarke by admitting it as she watches the way the blonde leans over Lexa and brushes her hair before kissing her forehead, "Before Arkadia, before Pike. And sometimes I think… I should've never come back."

It is the closest to Octavia's blessing she is ever going to get, and she knows how much that means. "Maybe soon we'll all be able to go where we want. Without feeling like we owe them any explanation."

And both girls can't help thinking they may be more alike than they'd like to admit.

x-x-x-x-x

Octavia leaves right before dawn. It amazes Clarke, to think of the girl who dropped on the ground, having to take orders from her brother, not yet able to impose herself and _be_ herself, and compare her to the true warrior she sees walking away. The brunette walks along the woods as if she was born there, with the confidence of a grounder and the courage that is so uniquely hers.

She promises to come back every few days, she promises to take care of the others, and she promises to be safe. Clarke promises she will try to find a way to help them, even if she can't be there. Then she closes the hatch and they part ways.

She can't be sure if the sun has already risen; she imagines it must have. The blonde, knowing there won't be a lot to do around the place, takes her time in organizing the food and other supplies they've brought with them. Among them, a piece of paper slides to the floor and her heart skips a beat when she is met with the peaceful, sleeping face of the Commander. The drawing she is yet to finish. It makes her eyes water. Could it really be that less than a week ago, Lexa slept right before her, so very alive, so safe? It seems so distant now.

The blonde goes through the supplies and, finding all she needs, takes a seat next to Lexa, the same position they were in when she started to draw her. The features are not exactly the same, but Clarke closes her eyes and, unbeknownst to her, she smiles as she thinks of that moment. And then her hands start to move. She doesn't stop until the drawing is just right.

 _Two to three days after the effects of the drugs wear off._ Those were Abby's words when asked about Lexa waking up. It has been two days. And there isn't a single movement coming from the sleeping girl.

x-x-x-x-x

As it happens every time she tries to fall asleep, Clarke rests in bed, eyes wide open, looking for – or, at this point, expecting – any sign of danger. It's been three days that she hasn't slept more than a few minutes at a time, so when she feels the tiny sign of movement next to her, at first she is convinced her mind is playing tricks on her.

Nonetheless, by instinct, she is now wide awake, sitting up in bed. Looking around and making sure they are alone is the first thing she worries about. But then the hand she is holding moves. And the one, little thing she has been waiting for finally happens: Lexa's fingers slowly, but surely, wrap around hers.

* * *

 _Yu ste klir nau, Heda. - You are safe now, Commander._

 _Em laik yu Heda! - She is your Commander._

 _No! Leksa gonplei ste odon. - No, Lexa's fight is over._

 _Sis em au, beja. - Help her, please._ _  
_

 _Mochof. - Thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

_This entire chapter is nothing but Lexa and Clarke just being with each other, awake and alive. It was absolutely a healing experience for me to write this, and I do hope you guys feel the same when reading it. I'm sorry I'm posting so late, I just finished writing and revising everything._

 _Thank you to those who took the time to review, favourite and follow._

 _I'll probably include the other characters again from the next chapter on, but I felt like I needed to write this, and just let them be, and not think much about the rest of the characters and their stupid war. Also, I'll absolutely explore more of Lexa's reaction to everything that's happened, especially no longer being Heda. But I figured, being who she is, she would play it cool and postpone any panic mode for as long as she could. But it is going to be explored with more depth as the story goes on. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 _As it happens every time she tries to fall asleep, Clarke rests in bed, eyes wide open, looking for – or, at this point, expecting – any sign of danger. It's been three days that she hasn't slept more than a few minutes at a time, so when she feels the tiny sign of movement next to her, at first she is convinced her mind is playing tricks on her._

 _Nonetheless, by instinct, she is now wide awake, sitting up in bed. Looking around and making sure they are alone is the first thing she worries about. But then the hand she is holding moves. And the one, little thing she has been waiting for finally happens: Lexa's fingers slowly, but surely, wrap around hers._

 **Chapter 2**

Clarke's gasp echoes through the bunker, her heart beating wildly as she turns her body fully to face the girl next to her. She squeezes her fingers around Lexa's hand, softly, and gets all the confirmation she needs when she feels the action being reciprocated again.

"Lexa?" she whispers, her free hand going to the brunette's face, cupping her cheek. She feels a little warm, but nothing too alarming. Clarke's thumb brushes through the skin there in slow motions. "Can you hear me?" Her voice is not urgent, the question asked with the calm of someone who can wait. _It will take as long as it takes_ , Clarke tells herself, remembering, with a smile, Lexa's words to her. She doesn't mind waiting, she is not going anywhere.

It is Lexa's eyes, then, that start fluttering, her head moving almost imperceptibly to one side, to Clarke's side. And, as if she knows exactly where to look, the moment she opens her eyes, Clarke's gaze upon her is the first thing she sees.

"Clarke?"

Her voice is so strained, so fragile, but to the blonde it is the most beautiful sound in the world. Her eyes fill with tears she can't bring herself to blink away. She just looks at the other girl, completely entranced by her voice, her look, her breathing, by _her_. "I'm here."

As the seconds go by, Lexa's mind seems to be getting more alert and she turns to look at her surroundings. She supports both her hands on the bed in order to sit herself up, but the moment she does, a piercing pain emanates from her torso and she nearly screams, forced to lie back down. "What's happening? Where are we?"

To see Lexa in pain is nearly as hard as seeing her unconscious, and Clarke wishes she had more than the little medicine Abby was able to provide – and the little they have needs to last. Nevertheless, she turns around and reaches for her canteen and a few pills. "Here, this will help with the pain."

The former commander looks from the medicine to Clarke, confused as to what any of it means. Her eyes beg for an explanation before she starts swallowing down pills. "Will they put me back to sleep?"

The blonde shakes her head. It seems crazy, but now that she is looking into those eyes again, she can't stand the thought of Lexa closing them anytime soon. "You've been asleep long enough. This is just for the pain, I promise."

She places her hand behind Lexa's head, mindful not to touch the spot where the device used to be, and gently pulls it up just so that she can take the pills and drink the water. And it isn't until the brunette takes a sip that she notices just how dry her throat is, and how thirsty she is.

"Easy, we have plenty," Clarke smiles at her eagerness. This has to be a good sign. "How do you feel?"

A deep breath precedes any answer, the still very injured brunette taking her time to understand just how she does feel so she can give an honest answer. "I'm confused. I was… Clarke, I was dying. I could feel it."

"We thought you had," Clarke cannot contain her emotion when the words slip through her lips, her mind once more overflowing with the images from that moment. "It certainly looked like it, but you were alive. You fought, and you stayed."

Lexa closes her eyes. She smiles at the relief and the care she can hear in Clarke's voice, and feel in Clarke's touch as the blonde's hand continues to rest lightly against her cheek. This feels a lot like peace. Happiness. Two things she never saw herself having a chance at. "And why are we not in Polis anymore?"

The blonde has been thinking about it, all these days. How is she going to explain to Lexa that she is no longer the Commander? That a part of her was quite literally torn out of her? She isn't sure if Lexa will be relieved, devastated, furious. What she does know is that whatever reaction comes, it will be a strong one. But Lexa's body is weak right now, and her mind should not be focusing on anything other than getting better.

"It wasn't safe there."

Her eyes squint, and worry fills them. "Titus tried to hurt you again? He wouldn't. He swore to me."

"No, it's not him."

"You're keeping something from me."

Clarke bites her lip. She wants to deny it, but she has never lied to Lexa. Nor would she ever get away with it if she tried. The brunette has always been able to read her all too well. "I am," she admits, "And I'll tell you, but not now. There is nothing you can do about it today. Can you trust me?"

"Do you really need to ask me that?" And there is that smile. That vulnerability so few get to see from the all-powerful Heda, that Clarke gets so easily now she may have been starting to take it for granted. Not anymore. Not ever again.

It is the smile that breaks her resolve, allowing for the first tear to fall. After the first one, the others follow without resistance and she leans down, bringing their lips together in a kiss that is both careful and soft, but full of need.

It is as if Lexa understands just what Clarke is asking for. She needs to know that she is really there, with her. That she will fight to stay there. That she is not going anywhere. The brunette may not feel too strong, but she kisses back with all she has, turning her body only slightly to the side, ignoring the small pang of pain – it isn't so bad, not if she stays in place – as she wraps an arm around Clarke's waist. They can't do much, a lot of healing is needed until they can, but this, for now, is enough.

Lexa can feel Clarke's tears falling on her cheeks, and the hand that is around the blonde's waist gently moves up her back, her side, her chest, her jawline, until it reaches her eyes to wipe them away. "I'm here," she whispers between kisses, "I'm here, Clarke."

"I thought I'd lost you," it seems the more Lexa's fingers wipe the tears away, the more Clarke's eyes stubbornly produce more, "It was all happening so fast and there was nothing I could do…"

"Shhhh," the sound is quiet, soothing, "I don't know what you did," she kisses some of the tears away before bringing their lips together again, "but thank you for bringing me back."

They don't sleep for the rest of the night, their eyes unable to close if it would mean they would have to stop looking at the other. Their hands and lips connect over and over, in subtle touches that say words they are still not ready to utter out loud.

x-x-x-x-x

Abby left her with clear instructions that Lexa should start eating as soon as she woke up. There wasn't much they could do on this regard while she was unconscious with the few resources they had a camp, so she would feel weak, and Clarke needed to make sure the brunette's body would be able to regain its strength.

But it isn't until much later, when, Clarke supposes, the sun is already high in the sky, that the blonde can bring herself to step away from the bed. Lexa has closed her eyes, but a smile remains on her face even as she rests. So Clarke takes it as her chance to get her some food.

"Clarke?" she hears the quiet mumble from the bed, and rushes in finishing heating some soup. She figures Lexa will need something light.

Lexa's eyes are closed again when the blonde sits back in bed, small steaming bowl at hand. "You haven't eaten in days," she says, causing the other girl to open her eyes and nod. "Here, let me help."

She then places the soup on the side and does her best to rearrange their makeshift pillows so that the former commander can rest her back against them. A few grunts tell her that Lexa is in pain, and she makes a mental note to give her some more of the pills soon.

"I can eat by myself, you know?" the brunette speaks in a teasing tone, but the moment she reaches out her arms for the bowl, her left one stings and she has to let it rest against her side again. Exasperated, she looks to the side, away from Clarke. "I'm not hungry."

"Lexa, you…"

" _Em pleni!_ " her voice rises, causing Clarke's eyes to widen, more out of admiration than surprise. Lexa's strength, even in weakness, never comes as a surprise to her.

Not saying another word, Clarke moves up from the bed, places the bowl right next to the brunette, who is still avoiding her gaze, and speaks quietly, " _Choj op, Heda. Beja,"_ before heading towards the hatch.

x-x-x-x-x

The light and the fresh air calm her down immediately, and she takes a few deep breaths to speed up the process. Lexa can't be faulted for being nervous and impatient. She wakes up, not knowing where she is or what's happened, unable to get out of bed and entirely depending on someone else – something that Clarke can guess she's never had to go through before – not to mention she is scared. Clarke can see it in her eyes. Trusting eyes, but frightened nonetheless.

Her first thought when the idea of bringing Lexa to that place came up was that the fierce warrior would maybe experience peace for the first time in her life. That it could be just them, and it would help her. And maybe that is the way it should be. But very few things happen the way they should in the ground.

It doesn't keep Clarke from hoping. She knows Lexa probably needs a few minutes on her own, to deal with her own – temporary, but very real – limitations, and calm down. If there is one thing the brunette probably does not appreciate, it's to be treated as a baby, and Clarke can understand that. She wouldn't be able to take it for long, either.

Deciding to distract herself for a while, she ventures a few steps away, noticing there is no movement around them and feeling relieved that they can still have that faint semblance of peace. A shrub of bright berries catches her eyes, and she takes her time in collecting them.

She remembers those particular ones from their time on the dropship. Sweet and delicious and a great dessert.

She hopes Lexa will like them.

x-x-x-x-x

The soup bowl is empty when she goes back inside, and Lexa looks somewhere between ready to apologize and ready to pretend she's asleep so she doesn't have to deal with it. Clarke would have laughed if she didn't think it might somehow offend the brunette.

The blonde decides it won't hurt anyone if they simply brush it aside. She takes a handful of berries to her mouth and speaks, nearly causing half of them to be spit out as she does so, "I brought dessert." It makes Lexa laugh. And _that_ makes everything ok again.

Clarke remembers the medicine and gets it before kneeling by Lexa's side of the bed. She offers her the pills and some water, letting the stubborn patient do everything by herself, even if it takes twice as much time.

When the blonde gathers the bowl and everything else and starts to get up to put them away, Lexa's good arm reaches out, softly grabbing Clarke's wrist. " _Mochof, Klark_." There is no need to apologize. Her tone and her eyes do it for her.

Once again, Clarke can't move away. The utensils are forgotten on the floor, and she shifts closer, left hand moving to her right wrist, where Lexa's fingers are still wrapped. Very gently, she unwraps them to then bring them to her lips, smiling when Lexa keeps her hand there, brushing through her cheek.

"I am used to people doing things for me. Protecting me. Catering to me, even," she explains as she turns her hand and lets her knuckles slowly graze through Clarke's skin, "But I am not used to anyone doing it out of lo…" once again, she catches herself, this time surely because she doesn't want to put words on Clarke's mouth, "out of anything other than a sense of duty. Not for me, but for what I represent."

To say that Clarke's heart nearly jumps from her mouth at Lexa's near slip – again – would be an understatement. And she isn't sure why using that word is suddenly so scary, but then she remembers Finn, she remembers the last time she saw him, and even though she can understand how much stronger her feelings are this time, it still feels like, the second she says it, another disaster will happen and take it away from her.

Still, the answer she chooses confirms every word – both spoken and unspoken. "Get used to it," she whispers, not once deviating her eyes from Lexa's bright green ones. And when her Heda smiles, Clarke doesn't need to look away from them to know. Her eyes are smiling, too.

x-x-x-x-x

Lexa sleeps a lot. Her body heals at an incredibly fast pace, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a lot of healing to be done.

Clarke, on her end, tries to keep busy so her thoughts don't drive her crazy. She thinks about Octavia. About Abby. About Kane. About Monty and Jasper. About Indra and Lincoln. Begrudgingly, she thinks about Bellamy and Murphy, too, knowing she still wants the two idiots to be safe, despite everything.

 _You want to fix everything for everyone_ , Lexa told her, not too long ago. And it's true, she does. It is what made them see her as a leader in the first place. It is what makes her pace from one side to the other, wondering what is happening to her people while she stands there, hiding.

"Clarke?"

It makes her stop on her tracks immediately, and she turns to look at the brunette. She squints her eyes. Lexa looks nervous.

She is sitting next to her in a heartbeat. "What's wrong?"

"I should be asking you that. What worries you so much? What did we leave behind when we came here?" she searches Clarke's eyes, but the blonde looks away. "Clarke?"

The shaky tone is what makes her look again. Lexa is already sitting up. With some difficulty, sure, but without any help.

"It's time. You need to tell me what happened. And how is it that I can be alive and no longer be Heda." She swallows, her hands moving against each other, just to keep busy, to keep moving. But, to her credit, she remains focused, neutral, _strong_.

"You… how did you know?"

Lexa's almost inaudible gasp indicates that it might've been a theory only. A theory Clarke has just confirmed. "It's silent now, when I sleep. It's always silent. And then there's this," she points at the gauze protecting the cut behind her neck, "and I remember Titus was ready to do it. What I don't understand is how."

The brunette finally breaks her own resolve and looks down, the only sign that she may not be taking this with as much calm as her voice and words may suggest. Clarke shudders when she remembers everything, her right hand almost unconsciously moving behind Lexa's neck, barely touching the bandage but then coming back towards the front, caressing her neck and then cupping her cheek. "He was ready. And you were gone. As far as we knew, you were gone. It wasn't until after he took it and left the room that I felt it, I felt your pulse and I knew you were still alive. It was too late to find him and tell him," her thumb moves up to catch a single tear that falls from Lexa's eye, "I'm so sorry I couldn't stop that. But I didn't know if they would still protect you, if they would still help me save you, even if you were no longer their commander. I know they were angry because of us. I thought they might take that chance to just let you go. And I couldn't risk it."

"So you got me out of there? Alone?"

"Indra, Octavia, and Murphy. They helped me get you to the camp by Arkadia. It was a tough ride, but you were so strong," the blonde smiles through a tear of her own, and the look she gives to Lexa is one of nothing but pride and respect. Taking a deep breath, she continues, "We knew we couldn't keep you there long, not with the possibility of a war and with so much instability. So my mom did all she could so that you were stable, and we brought you here."

"There's more, isn't there?" every single syllable is marked with the deepest sadness. She knows everything has changed now. She knows she will be nearly powerless to protect the ones she loves. She knows her people can no longer count on her.

"The rest can wait," Clarke's heart breaks because she can feel Lexa's doing so. Even though she had to sacrifice everything in order to be the commander, Clarke always saw how much it meant for the leader. How she put all her heart into it, even – and especially – when it came to make decisions that made her seem heartless. She always did what she had to, at the expense of her own life and happiness. So yes, in a way it should be a relief. But, on the other, where does one go after this?

The blonde waits for a reply, but all she gets is a small nod, not unlike the one she got after telling Lexa, back in Polis a few days ago, that she would be leaving soon.

Lexa has never been one to talk. She always seemed to possess some higher understanding of things, which gave her a calm Clarke envied. So she doesn't expect a big scene and lots of tears. "How can you be here, when your people might be in more danger than ever?"

Of course. Leave it to her to think about strategies and war and their people.

"My people will take care of themselves if they have to. There was nothing I could do for them and you would die unless we could get you somewhere safe. I'm not like you," she stops and bites her lip before her hand slides from Lexa's cheek down to her arm, bringing both hers and Lexa's hand to her heart, "I couldn't choose with my head. Not this time."

The former commander's eyes focus on their joined hands, and she barely hesitates before speaking, "I think you know where my choices have been coming from lately, Clarke."

"I know," Clarke offers the faintest smile, which is reciprocated. A small glimmer of hope between a host of bad and confusing news. "And I also know I am not willing to give up on this anymore. I don't care how much or who we need to fight."

She scoots closer until they are facing each other, mere inches apart. Their hands are still resting above Clarke's heart when they kiss, but the blonde lets go so she can wrap her arms around the girl she has fallen so hopelessly for.

Lexa's head leans down until it is resting against Clarke's shoulder, and it makes the blonde's grip on her body tighten. Always gentle, as to not hurt her still healing body. Slowly, one of Clarke's hand moves up until it is stroking Lexa's hair, and the former commander feels so young, so vulnerable, and yet so safe. For the first time in ages, her body relaxes and she simply lets herself be held.

x-x-x-x-x

She accepts help the next time Clarke sits next to her with the soup.

"Don't get me wrong," the blonde speaks quietly as Lexa takes another sip from the bowl Clarke holds in front of her, "but it was always these moments, when you let me see you in another light, in one that I know not many people get to see, those were always my favourite moments. You don't look weak when you're like that. You're stronger than ever."

"Are you saying my strength lies in being helpless and vulnerable?" Lexa rolls her eyes and takes another sip.

"No," Clarke chuckles, putting the bowl to the side when the girl finishes and handing her some water, "I'm saying a lot of it lies on how brave you are for showing a side of you that most people wouldn't be strong enough to show."

"You're only saying that because you're one of the few ones who get to see it," the more playful tone in which the reply is given brightens Clarke's expression.

"I am, I absolutely am," she laughs, and Lexa laughs, and it only lasts a second but it holds hopes and promises of better days.

x-x-x-x-x

"Do you mind if I take a look at that?" Clarke points at Lexa's bandages. It's been almost 24 hours since the brunette woke up, and Clarke is fully aware that her patient has moved around way more than she should, even though she couldn't bring herself to do anything to stop it. Moving is good. Moving means she's breathing, she's living, she's ok.

The brunette nods, and this time, when Clarke moves to help her sit up, doesn't protest and lets the blonde help. Carefully, she unwraps the bandages, noticing, with some concern, that some blood has seeped through the fabric. "If you don't rest more tomorrow, you're going to need more of my blood soon, you know," she delivers the news with a chuckle, knowing that it is probably not that bad, and letting Lexa know the same. Truth is she's relieved, considering all the ways in which things could have turned out much, _much_ worse.

But Lexa's look is puzzled. " _Your_ blood?"

"Oh! Right…" she'd completely forgotten Lexa was not awake for any of it, "You lost a lot of blood, and we took some of mine, that's all."

No big deal at all. So why does Lexa now look at her as if she is some sort of savior mixed with a super-hero?

"Are you ok? Did it hurt you?"

Clarke smiles and shakes her head, not looking at the brunette because all her attention is on cleaning around the wound and making sure it doesn't get infected. Once she is satisfied the bleeding is somewhat contained, she presses the cloth to the wound and wraps an arm around Lexa's back, easing her back into her previous position lying down. "Sorry," she knows it must have hurt, even though the brunette barely shows any reaction, "I just need to press a little, ok? To make sure you're not going to bleed more," when Lexa nods, she decides to answer to her previous question by showing her other arm, with the small dot where the needle was inserted a few days ago, "Here. That's where the needle went," then she points to the same spot on Lexa's arm, "and that's where the blood went to. I could barely feel a thing," she promises, and it is enough for Lexa.

"When you're done with those," Lexa, once again sitting up while Clarke wraps up the new bandages around her, asks with a timid voice the blonde is not used to hearing, "can you check the one on my neck? It stings a little."

Clarke is absolutely, entirely, positively in awe at the fact that Lexa has indeed asked for help without being prompted in any way. The first conclusion her mind reaches is that the cut must hurt really bad if it got them to this point. The second, and much more pleasant one, is that Lexa is finally starting to be comfortable enough when it is just the two of them, to ask for such things without being afraid to seem weak. Whatever the reason is, Clarke is not about to give her any reason to regret asking.

She finishes with the main wound and places herself between Lexa and the wall, her legs spread on each side of the brunette's body. She does notice Lexa's gasp when she starts moving the brunette hair to the side to get access to the cut. What she doesn't know is if it means pain or something more pleasurable, and places a small kiss to Lexa's shoulder for good measure. "You ok?"

"Better now," she replies without thinking, taking Clarke by surprise and causing her smile to widen.

Ever so carefully, she removes the bandage and, as Lexa flinches, so does she as she realizes it is a bit infected. It probably explains why the girl feels a little warmer than she should, something Clarke noticed earlier but ended up forgetting about once she saw how well Lexa did throughout the day.

"Can you hand me that cloth and the water?" she asks Lexa, pointing at the bowl she was using before, and a clean piece of fabric. Her left hand slides over Lexa's leg, palm up, "It's going to sting a little, take my hand," and the girl's fingers intertwine with Clarke's almost immediately, giving it a soft, grateful squeeze.

Clarke knows she has probably been through worse without having to hold anyone's hand. She knows Lexa could probably stand up right now and go fight a war – and win – if she had to. But each small action aims to show that she doesn't have to do these things alone, not anymore.

With her free hand, she cleans the cut the best way she can, while her thumb on the other hand moves slowly through Lexa's knuckles. When she places the bandage back, she just uses it to cover the wound, not making much of an effort to get it fixed in place. "I need to go outside," she speaks softly, now wrapping both her hands around Lexa's, and resting them on the girl's lap, pulling her just a bit closer so she can lie against the blonde's body, "I know where I can get the herbs I need, so it doesn't get worse."

"Don't you dare moving right now," Lexa's lazy and perfectly comfortable voice leaves Clarke no other choice but to obey.

x-x-x-x-x

Eventually, though, she needs to get up, much to the brunette's dismay. Clarke ensures that Lexa is as comfortable as she can be before stepping outside to gather everything she needs to make the medicine.

Her mission doesn't take long, and the bunker is only a few feet away when she hears horses close by. A part of her wants to run and get inside, to safety, but what if someone sees her? What if they find out her hiding spot, and by default find their former Commander, too?

Instead, she runs the other way, hiding behind trees and rocks, and catching a glimpse of a small group of grounders, at least three horses and six people. They talk about the army being nearly complete, they talk about the war they've been craving for, and they talk about revenge.

And then their voices start to fade into the distance, and the blonde should be torn between running to warn her people and running back to Lexa. But her people brought this war upon themselves. Her people are big boys and girls, who also have scouts and also have their ways of preparing. Her people are not the ones she wants to be with right now.

Without looking back, she turns and makes her way to the bunker, where she finds a very awake, very worried looking brunette. However, all the worry fades when she sees for herself that Clarke is safely back.

It takes quite a few minutes for the healing paste to be ready, but when it is, Clarke resumes her position behind Lexa, and rubs a generous amount all over the cut, not missing the sigh of relief coming from the brunette. "Better now?" this time, she makes sure the bandage is firmly in place before pulling Lexa back towards her.

"Thank you," Lexa whispers, looking up to meet the blonde's eyes.

"Thank _you_ ," Clarke pulls her just a little bit closer to then kiss the top of her head, "for not giving up. For staying with me."

* * *

 _Em pleni! – Enough!_

 _Choj op, Heda. Beja. – Eat, Commander. Please._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3 is here! Things are starting to move along a bit, but I guess you can tell by now that I am taking my time before they have to leave their safe place. It will have to happen soon, buuuut for now I believe the story can still progress with the girls safe and sound in there!_

 _Also, I'd like to say that the story will be all through Lexa and Clarke's point of view, mostly because I really can't stand the whole Arkadia plot and if I had to sit and try to write a dialogue between Pike and Jaha, I might give up on this story altogether. I may add a few bits and pieces regarding the Grounders, but I believe it won't be a problem and that it will all make sense through the girls' eyes. If it's in any way confusing or unclear, please let me know._

 _Last but not least, I need to thank my friend - who also happens to have the best, prettiest name in the entire universe - Lucy, for helping me develop the idea for the fic, especially the details for the first chapter. Also, for pointing out, along with another friend, some formatting errors on chapter 2, which have been duly fixed - sorry about that, by the way._

 _Now, the story!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 **Chapter 3**

When Clarke opens her eyes, her entire body aches and she soon realizes why. And it makes her smile. She still has her back against the wall, in an awkward position, something between sitting and lying down. Her arms are still firmly wrapped around a very comfortable looking brunette, who sleeps soundly, her head on Clarke's chest, turned slightly to the side, making it so the blonde can feel her every breath on her neck. Lexa's whole body is turned towards Clarke, her right hand lazily resting around the blonde's waist while her left one hangs just over her leg. Her legs are bent together to the side, so that her entire frame fits perfectly within the small cocoon Clarke has inadvertently created.

She cannot bring herself to move, not when, after having her entire world turned upside down, Lexa is still looking so peaceful in her sleep.

What the blonde does, instead, is take her time and try to absorb every detail she possibly can. The way Lexa's hair falls on her shoulder. The manner in which her breathing sometimes gets just a little bit faster, only to go back to its normal rhythm mere seconds after. The eventual mumble – which Clarke cannot help finding adorable, especially when it sounds the tiniest bit like her name.

Lexa has always been an unstoppable force of nature in her eyes, larger than life, older, wiser than her age might suggest. Next to the leader, Clarke used to feel young and foolish, naïve, even. Not that Lexa ever made her feel like that. Looking back on everything, she can see that the Commander always saw her as an equal, and treated her as such, respecting her views and trying to find ways for them to work together. It was Clarke herself who, for a while and especially after 'the adults' landed on the ground, questioned her own decisions and felt unfit to make them.

It is strange that Lexa looks so young right now. Stripped of that which made her so powerful, Clarke does see the other side, the softer, more innocent one. But the strength is still there, the strength that is so very Lexa, not just Heda. It hasn't faded when that thing was taken out of her. It hasn't changed her courage, her determination, or her wisdom.

Lost in her thoughts, Clarke doesn't notice the exact moment when Lexa wakes up, but she does hear the soft hum, and feel the girl's arm move on her waist and, when she lowers her head to kiss Lexa's forehead but ends up kissing her lips when the brunette turns just in time, they both smile into it.

Clarke almost asks how she's feeling, but decides against it. Lexa is relaxed, and her body already feels a little less warm than the night before. She is improving, and she doesn't need to be reminded of the bad things the second she wakes up. "Good morning," is what she whispers instead.

"Good morning," the still sleepy girl whispers back, settling further into Clarke's arms. "This feels nice."

"It does," the blonde replies, running her fingers through Lexa's hair, thinking of how long the other girl has wanted this for – how long they both did, if she's honest with herself – and how long it took for them to get here, "I'm sorry it took me so long to be able to…"

"Forgive me?" Lexa interrupts, to which Clarke shakes her head.

"Forgive myself," she completes, "And to come to terms with everything. I didn't understand then, how difficult it was for you to make the choices you made, but I do now. I still don't like it that you made them, but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same."

"We all do what we must," Lexa sighs, and Clarke wonders if her mind drifts off to Titus and the other leaders in Polis, "It shapes us, but it doesn't define us, not unless we let it."

That sparks Clarke's curiosity. "So, what would you say defines me?"

Lexa thinks about the question for a while, looking up and examining Clarke's eyes before speaking. "You remember when Gustus tricked me with his poisoning? How you had no proof that your people hadn't done it, except for their word, yet you still drank from that bottle without hesitating, to prove your point?"

"In hindsight, that was probably a stupid move. Clearly, my people are not as enlightened as I thought."

"I was scared for you," Lexa admits, "But I was amazed by your faith in them. And by your determination to not only save your friend, but to prove that you were not committing any injustice to my people by doing so. You don't just go around doing whatever you think is right. You show people why. And you show them there can be a better way."

"I don't know what I'm doing half the time."

"Yes, that would be my alternative answer," the brunette laughs, and then they both fall into a comfortable silence.

One that is broken by a knock coming from outside.

"Clarke? Clarke, it's Octavia. And your mom."

The younger Griffin feels Lexa tensing in her arms, and doesn't move right away. "My mom will probably want to see you, to make sure everything is going well," she speaks quietly, "Is it ok if I let them in? I can talk to them outside."

"No, let them in," reluctantly, they pull away from each other, Clarke once again arranging everything so that Lexa is somewhat comfortably sitting by the bed.

When she gets up, she groans as the ache in her body becomes more accentuated. Even though she did finally sleep through the night for once, she knows she will need to actually lie down and sleep comfortably soon.

Abby envelops her daughter in a bone crushing hug the minute she walks inside, while Octavia, the grounder that she is, offers nothing more than a nod.

As they make their way inside, Lexa is surprised by the warmth on Abby's eyes and tone. "It's good to see you awake again."

"Clarke told me what you did," the former Commander looks at the doctor, but then her eyes find Octavia's, and she nods at her, "What both of you did. Thank you."

"Clarke made us," Octavia replies with a shrug, but her grin says otherwise, and it surprises Lexa, pleasantly so. All she's seen is her serious side, and this new, more playful one is welcome.

"I wouldn't expect any less from her," Lexa replies, in her turn surprising Octavia as well.

Allowing herself to watch those three girls act young for once, Abby wonders if they will ever be able to turn this into a world where this can happen more often. Where kids will be able to be kids and not think about wars and politics, and not get hurt so frequently. "Do you mind if I examine you?" she risks, eyeing Lexa.

Noticing Lexa's uncomfortable expression, Clarke jumps in, "The bullet wound is fine, it was bleeding a little yesterday, but it is healing," she knows the brunette would feel too exposed at having that checked, and there really isn't a reason to worry there, but she hopes she will allow the doctor to take a look at her neck. "Her neck looked a little infected yesterday, and I think she might have been running a fever. I used herbs and her temperature started getting back to normal, but I haven't checked the cut yet. Maybe you could?" she looks from her mom to Lexa, who nods and shifts to the side so Abby can have access.

"It's ok, try not to move much," the doctor kneels next to her and gets the bandage off, at first surprised at the paste all around it, but nodding in approval once she starts to clean. Lexa remains quiet. "It's not too bad. Does it hurt?"

"It did, yesterday. Now, not so much," she replies, hands fidgeting, and Clarke decides to drag Octavia as far from them as possible.

She can almost feel how much Lexa hates to be seen like that, so she diverts her friend's attention, not to mention gets the chance to talk about what they need to talk anyway. "How is the situation outside?" she whispers. "I heard riders yesterday, they were moving to camp and talking about war."

"We saw them, too," Octavia replies, "It's bad, Clarke. Their army keeps getting bigger, apparently they want to have as many warriors as possible, to make up for our guns. Things at Arkadia are getting worse. Pike wants to attack, Kane says we should try to renegotiate, but I don't think the new Commander is as interested in peace as Lexa," it is then she glances at the former leader and then back at Clarke, "Does she know everything?"

"She doesn't know about Ontari yet. I know she and Aden were close, and she already has a lot to deal with as it is."

"You're going to have to tell her eventually. We may need her."

"What?" Clarke's voice raises, getting the attention of her mother and the one she's attending to, so she quickly lowers her tone again, "She cannot get involved in this. We don't even know what her people might to do her, and we can't ask her to help our side against them. I won't ask that of her."

"I'm not an idiot, Clarke," Octavia's jaw tightens as she rolls her eyes, "I'm saying she might know a way to get to them and stop all of this once and for all."

"Even if she could," the blonde replies, still not fully convinced about any plan that involves Lexa, "First, Pike needs to go. How is that going?"

"People are getting restless. He's getting more stressed and more careless, and I think they're starting to see him for the tyrant he is. We're moving against him soon, but we need to do it at the right time, otherwise _we_ die."

Clarke shudders at the thought, and when she looks into Octavia's eyes, she remembers why she still worries so much. Why she still needs to help, because her people are not Pike and the idiots helping him. Her people are Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Jasper, Abby, Kane, Raven, Indra, Lexa. They are the ones she will protect at all costs, and right now this may mean a few more tough choices. "Do we still have some time?"

"A few days, maybe," Octavia sighs, because she can understand. She'd do the same for Lincoln. "Here, we brought you a radio. We can't come here any time there's a development."

"Good. Is everyone else ok?"

"For now, yes. Bellamy asked about you."

"That's precious. You didn't tell him anything, did you?"

Octavia shakes her head. "Only that you are safe. They all believe Lexa is dead, I thought it was safer for her to let them keep thinking that."

"It probably is," Clarke looks back at the other two when her mother is just finishing with the bandage, "Thank you," she says hurriedly before making her way back, her friend following. "Everything ok on this end?"

"The infection should clear in a few days. As I told her, she needs rest until then," Abby looks at Lexa, and it is half intimidating and half concerned. A mother's look.

"I'm sure she loved that," Clarke replies with a smile, the words directed at her mother but her gaze directed at Lexa, who pretends not to see but smiles nonetheless. "Thank you, mom."

Abby smiles, but there is worry in her eyes. "And how are you, Clarke? You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

"I'm fine, mom."

Ignoring the obvious brush off, she cups her daughter's cheek and brings her close to kiss the top of her head. "You've been taking really good care of her," she says, "Don't forget to take care of yourself, too."

x-x-x-x-x

Lexa is quieter than usual after their visitors leave, and Clarke doesn't push. Instead, she focuses on making them some food, which gives her time to think about everything she and Octavia talked about. Should she tell Lexa about Ontari today? Should she wait until tomorrow? Won't she always find a reason to postpone? And what choices do they have, after Lexa recovers? She thinks about it until the food is ready, and she still doesn't have any answers.

She and Lexa eat side by side in bed, Clarke now also absorbed in her own thoughts until they finish, and it is the brunette who takes the utensils from Clarke's hand and places them aside.

"What are you doing?" blue eyes look at her in confusion.

"Lie down," Lexa pats her own legs, giving her a look that dares her to defy the command.

Clarke obeys, her head resting on Lexa's lap, and she notices, then, how long it has been since she actually did lie down completely, and how tired she is. When Lexa's fingers start brushing through her hair, her eyes immediately start to drift closed. Lexa slowly reaches for the blankets and covers Clarke, who turns her body to the side and starts to get comfortable. The million thoughts in her head start to fade with Lexa's touch, and the soft smile she sees when she looks up. " _Reshop, Klark,_ " she whispers, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Even if she did want to fight sleep, her body surrenders to it, giving her no choice but to close her eyes and rest.

x-x-x-x-x

Clarke isn't fully awake yet, but she starts smiling the moment she feels Lexa's fingers still moving through her hair.

"Feeling better?" Lexa's voice seems to come from a distance still, but the blonde mumbles something and nods, eyes still closed. "You're always too worried taking care of everyone. You do need someone to remind you to take care of yourself."

One of the reasons that drew Clarke to Lexa in the first place was that she never underestimated the blonde. While people called her 'Princess', the then Commander always saw her as a true leader. Not someone who needed to be cuddled and protected, not someone who needed others to take care of her, but who just needed a push to be reminded to take care of herself. It was why they worked. Both knowing that they are capable of pretty much anything on their own, but that they can be even better together. Even when they were in Polis and Clarke was officially under Lexa's protection, it always felt like a collaboration between them. They don't make each other strong, they remind each other of all they were capable of all along.

Clarke finally opens her eyes, turning so that she is lying on her back, her head facing up, smiling brightly when she sees Lexa's face upside down. "How long was I out?"

In true Lexa fashion, she replies with, "As long as you needed," which earns her an eye roll from the blonde, even though her smile never fades.

She sits up and stretches, rubbing her eyes and trying to figure out what time of day they are in, when her stomach growls, not so silently answering her question. "We just had lunch! Did I sleep all day?"

"Your question is difficult to answer without seeing the sky," Lexa stretches her legs as best as she can, relief flooding through her muscles, even if she pays no attention to the sensation, "But yes, I suppose you may have."

"How about your medicine? Or water? Aren't you hungry?"

The brunette laughs, shaking her head, "I am perfectly fine, you needed to sleep more than I needed any of these. No one can make plans without a clear head. And no one gets a clear head without good sleep."

Clarke's constant worry about the situation outside has not gone unnoticed by Lexa. Of course it hasn't, and she should know that nothing gets past the brunette. It is time. Even though she wants nothing more than to remain in this safe bubble, just the two of them, she knows it cannot wait much longer. "I'll get us something to eat," Clarke starts, "And then we'll talk about everything. How about that?"

Lexa's nod is full of worry, but they both know it is about time they stop pretending their worlds aren't falling apart around them.

Unsurprisingly, neither girl eats much. Upon Clarke insistence, Lexa eats at least half before she sets everything down and takes a deep breath. "From the way you're avoiding this, I'm guessing Aden didn't become the new Heda, did he?"

The blonde shouldn't be surprised at this point, by how Lexa wants to know the news and yet she already seems to know everything before anyone tells her. In a way, though, it makes it easier if she's already somewhat prepared.

Clarke looks down, shaking her head quickly as the memories of the boy pledging his loyalty to the thirteenth clan cause a sad smile to form on her lips. Finally, she looks back up. "Ontari."

The silence is longer than Clarke anticipated, and she knows what it means. She pays attention, too. Not only whenever Lexa speaks about her own conclave, but she also noticed, from day one, how all _natblida_ were considerably younger than the Commander. It could only mean one thing: other than the new Commander, no one survives the conclave.

Still, she needs to be sure. "Does that mean that he's…"

" _Sha,_ " Lexa replies, her voice nearly breaking, even though she tries to keep it emotionless.

"I'm sorry."

"It is what it is," her voice becomes stronger again, any trace of grief giving place to the more urgent business they need to talk about, "This is a problem, Clarke. She is the one nightblood I never knew about. The only thing we know about her is that she was groomed by Queen Nia."

"It doesn't look good, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. But there's no war yet, is there? Otherwise Octavia and Abby wouldn't make it here."

"Octavia says that Ontari wants as many warriors as possible, now that they know the power that Arkadia's guns hold. So she's still waiting for more."

"That's…" the former Commander offers the tiniest smile, albeit a sad one, "She's being more patient than I was. That's good, it shows she's a strategist and isn't just acting on impulse."

"That's strange for an Azgeda warrior, isn't it?" Clarke ponders, "I mean, they marched to Polis, they exploded Mount Weather against your orders. They always seemed pretty impulsive."

"They're not fools, Clarke. That was when they were trying to destroy the coalition. Now that the coalition is hers, she'll try to keep it, so she can rule over all clans."

"So there might still be a chance for peace?" Clarke asks hopefully, "Because unless there is, I don't know what I can do to stop this. And I know most of Arkadia doesn't deserve to be spared, but…"

"But they're your people," the brunette completes with the one thing she knows to be true.

To her surprise, though, Clarke shakes her head, "That's the thing, I don't even know what that means anymore. I know there are people there I need to protect. My friends. My family. But there is also Indra on the other side. There's Lincoln being held prisoner. There's you," she whispers, "If Indra kills Pike, I'll be rooting for her from the sidelines the same way I was rooting for you during that duel."

Lexa smiles, nodding quietly, and looking around, in a gesture Clarke has learned to recognize as a rare sign of anxiety. Which means she wants to say something and isn't sure if she should.

The blonde reaches for her hands and holds them gently, just enough to get Lexa's eyes to look back at her. "What is it?"

"We need to go and do something about it. You know that," she looks at Clarke, defying her to say otherwise, and when she is met by silence, she continues, "I vowed to treat your people as my people, and I meant that. Commander or not, I'll find a way for us to fix this."

Too dumbfolded to say anything right away, Clarke's mind starts to race. It isn't that she didn't expect Lexa to want to go right into war, but she had all the intention of stopping her. Now, with some hope of a chance to make things right without fighting, it is harder to argue.

"I know," she starts, trying to calm her own thoughts, "I know, but we need to know what we're doing first. We need a plan. Starting with you. How do you think they'll react to seeing you alive? Would they try to hurt you?"

"We never had a Commander while the former one was still alive. There is no way to know. Ontari is not going to like it."

"You think?" Clarke rolls her eyes at the thought of the girl, suddenly annoyed by her mere existence, which, for some reason, makes Lexa laugh.

"It's a lot of pressure, you know?" Lexa's voice turns more somber after a moment, "You study, and you prepare for it, and maybe even want it, but it's so different once you become Heda."

"How was it for you?" their hands still entwined, Clarke starts to brush her fingers through Lexa's knuckles almost absent mindedly. There is so much she doesn't know, so much she might've never known had she lost the brunette, that she decides they can afford to change the subject a little. "Were you excited? Scared?"

"Scared? Hardly," she teases, smiling as she looks at their joined hands, "I was younger than Ontari. The Commander before me died at war, so it wasn't exactly a surprise."

"So you became Heda during a war, too?"

"Yes, but it wasn't like this. We were always at war, all clans against each other. So I called a meeting and made them stop fighting."

Clarke laughs at the simplicity of the girl's words. She is pretty sure that the coalition took a lot of work, wisdom, and courage from the Commander's part, and to hear her talking about it as if it's nothing, it seems very Lexa.

"I wish you could do the same now," the blonde sighs.

Lexa pulls one of her hands away from Clarke's and uses it to hold the girl's chin up. "Like I said, it's not the same. They didn't even know why they were fighting anymore. Now everyone is scared. You fell from the sky thinking the ground was a wasteland. And you found us, and we felt threatened, and fought, because this is what we know," she makes a pause and thinks about the people at Arkadia, not so different, after all, from the ones in Polis demanding blood. "When people are scared, that's when they become true savages. They lose all reason and react on instinct, and it's hard to show them another way."

"But we were getting there, we were going to fix this."

"And we're still going to," Lexa assures her, "It's just going to be a little harder now."

" _A little_ harder?"

"Clarke, listen to me. You're still _wanheda_ to them. You can still get access to the Commander as an ambassador."

"What? I am not going back there as her ambassador. I am your ambassador, not hers."

The absolute indisputable way in which Clarke speaks brings about the kind of smile that no one else can get from Lexa, but she soon turns the conversation back into a more serious tone. "She is the Commander now."

Clarke's answer comes out without a minute's pause. "Then I'll put in the motion of no confidence and get you back on that chair." She means it as a punch line, nothing more than that at first. But then she thinks about it, and her eyes spark when she looks back at Lexa, "Could it be done?"

The blonde observes as the other girl brings her hand to the back of her head, barely touching the bandage, probably barely aware of her actions as well, and shakes her head. "I don't think it's that simple. And that shouldn't be our priority now. Our priority is to stop another massacre."

Still, the blonde decides to store the idea at the back of her mind and give it some more thought once she has more information. Because she'll be damned if she'll bow before anyone else. " _Yu laik ai Heda,_ " she tries, earning a somewhat sad smile from Lexa. "Not her."

x-x-x-x-x

That night, when Lexa jolts awake, it has nothing to do with former Commanders speaking to her in her dreams. In fact, it is about the future Commander that never got the chance to lead.

Clarke, having slept through most of the day, lies awake with an arm around the other girl's body, hand moving up and down Lexa's back. It seemed to relax her and help her sleep, and Clarke didn't stop even after her eyes were closed and her breathing even. She found it calmed her down, too, to feel the brunette's skin just at her fingertips.

She notices Lexa's face twitching at first, apparently in distress, and then she starts moving more. Worried about the wounds, Clarke tries to calm her before she makes any sudden movements that could hurt her. Then she hears Aden's name, and her heart grips at her chest. It wasn't lost on her, the way Lexa passed through the news as if it was not a big thing, burying it inside, not really dealing with it. In her nightmares, it isn't as easy to hide.

"Lexa," Clarke whispers, holding her shoulder firmly so that she doesn't toss and turn, "Lexa, it's ok."

Her eyes snap open, her body struggling to free itself of Clarke's grip, her breathing heavy.

"Hey, it's me. I'm sorry, I didn't want you to hurt yourself," she starts to let go once the brunette wakes up and realizes where she is and who she's with, "I'm sorry," Clarke repeats, her hand sliding through Lexa's arm and finding her hand, and this time she means more.

"I couldn't protect him," Lexa speaks once she finds her voice, chest still moving up and down fast, "I couldn't protect Costia. Or Anya. I couldn't protect _you_."

At first, Clarke thinks the brunette is describing her nightmare. But it doesn't take long for her to think of Titus firing the shots, and for the first time she thinks of how it must have felt for Lexa to hear them from her room, how she must have run, wondering if she would, once again, lose the happiness she'd just found. Clarke tries to remember Lexa's face the first time they saw each other, when she told her about Anya, and gave her the warrior's hair – and she remembers, she remembers every single detail about that day, and the news of a loss she thought, to the leader, was just one more. And she remembers thinking how sad it all was, that a life is so ordinarily taken away that it is barely mourned. Little did she know they stayed with the Commander. They still do. Each and every single one of them.

She decides to try to do what she seems to do better than anyone else: make Lexa smile. "I didn't know Costia," she starts, "but I knew Anya, and she would've kicked your ass for saying she needed to be protected."

It works, and, through her tears, Lexa laughs and nods in agreement. "She would, yes."

"And Aden?" Clarke bites her lower lip, still not completely having dealt with it herself. But her voice softens and she wipes some of the tears from Lexa's face, "I'm sure he was thinking of you, of everything you taught him, and that he was grateful for having you. As for me, I _know_ I am. Because I am here, right in front of you, very much alive, and I get to tell you that. You promised I would be safe, I promised I wouldn't let you go without a fight. And here we are."

"But if I couldn't stop any of these things from happening when I was Heda," she swallows hard, reality dawning on her as she speaks, "How am I supposed to do any of it now? Ever since I can remember, I was either training to lead, or leading. Without it, what's left?"

"Without it, you're Lexa," Clarke answers without a second thought, "and I can tell you of so many moments when you were Lexa, and not Heda. When you first kissed me. When you called me to your side at the village before the ceremony for the dead," as she speaks, her hand moves up to Lexa's hair, slowly brushing through it, "When you invited me to go to Polis. When you made someone else capture me so that Nia couldn't hurt me. When you swore you wouldn't betray me again. When you came to my room just to thank me for staying by your side…"

"That one was just an excuse to see you," she admits with a small grin, and Clarke laughs and nods.

"I know. Not very Commander-like. But very Lexa-like," when that gets another small smile from the brunette, Clarke's tone turns more serious, "I can't imagine what you're feeling. I know it's a lot to process, but don't think that not being the Commander makes you less of anything."

"It's not that easy," the brunette gives out a tired sigh.

"I know that, too. I'm sorry you lost so much," she kisses Lexa's lips softly before enveloping the girl in her arms. "But you're still here. You still care. You still protect the ones who are yours, whether you rule them or not. If that doesn't make you special, well, I can spend all night telling you about a lot of other things that do."

Eventually, in between memories of fleeting moments of happiness, they both fall asleep.

* * *

 _Reshop, Klark. - Good night, Clarke._

 _Natblida. - Nightbloods_

 _Sha. - Yes._

 _Yu laik ai Heda. - You are my Commander._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I haven't been watching the show since 3.07, so everything from that episode on may steer away from canon. What is happening on Arkadia here is probably nothing like what is happening on the show. I am, however, taking the few things that I see around and trying to incorporate them._

 _I reviewed it super quickly to get it posted somewhat on time, so I apologize for any mistakes. Feel free to point them out so I can edit, you'd be doing me a big favour._

 _Also, there is a tiny SwanQueen reference in a bit of dialogue there, which just came out before I even noticed. Old habits, I guess. :D Let me know if you catch it! Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 **Chapter 4**

When Clarke opens her eyes, she finds herself alone in bed, and, for a second, as all the events from Polis come back to her at once, she wonders if maybe she was dreaming all along. If maybe Lexa did die in her arms back there, if she truly is alone, not able to do anything to change things.

Frantically, she looks at both sides. "Lexa? Lexa!"

Then, as she sees a little movement from the corner of her eye and looks to find the brunette making her way back to her as quickly as she can – which is too slow for Clarke's liking, but too fast for someone who absolutely should not be up and walking – it's as if she can breathe again. Her world has not been torn apart. She hasn't lost her. Lexa is right there.

Clarke doesn't think twice before jumping out of bed and rushing towards the other girl. As soon as she gets close and reaches out, Lexa's hands find her arms for support and she offers a pained smile. "Good morning?" she tries, apparently not bothered in the slightest by the look she is getting from the blonde.

The same blonde who doesn't bother greeting back. "What do you think you're doing? Why aren't you in bed?" she lets Lexa lean against her and slowly starts walking back. "Do you not _want_ to get better? Because I don't think you understand how close you were to being…"

"Clarke!" Lexa interrupts, stopping on the spot to reach out, and it isn't until she cups Clarke's face and brushes her tears away that the blonde notices the tears were there in the first place. The stubborn patient's voice is softer when she speaks again, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I was just tired of not doing anything and I wanted to get you something to eat when you woke up," she then points at a small bowl she was about to take with her.

Taking a deep breath and looking away, the still shaky blonde reaches for the food and smiles despite herself. "You can't possibly understand," she shakes her head, still not making eye contact, the smile soon disappearing, "Sometimes I close my eyes and I see you, all wrapped up, your body ready to be burned as I watch. I just watch and there is nothing I can do, because you are gone. Then I open my eyes and I see you and I know it's not real. I know you're here. But sometimes those nightmares feel more real, and I _need_ to know that they're not. I need to know you'll be ok."

It is probably the most she's ever spoken when it comes to her feelings towards Lexa. Or maybe even her feelings in general, because, with them, it's always been more about showing how they feel rather than telling. But right now she needs to say it, because Lexa is not out of the woods yet, because everything is a mess around them, because their people are about to go into a war against each other, and yet she cannot stop thinking that she is _lucky_.

She takes a step closer, eyes still looking down, and continues, more quietly, "It wasn't easy getting you here safely. Please, don't ruin it."

When she hears a laugh, she manages to look up and their eyes meet again, and what she sees in Lexa's bright green ones is awe. With a strength she can't believe the brunette has right now, Lexa's lips crash against hers in a kiss that is hungry, reassuring, loving. And, for a blissful moment, Clarke completely forgets about everything else and gets lost in it, in Lexa.

The only thing that makes her pull away is a very quiet whimper from the brunette, which she wishes was from pleasure, but knows it is most likely from her wounds. Still, not able to pull away, she slows down, kissing her more softly and holding her close as she resumes taking her back to bed and gently helping her lie down.

Lexa remains silent, no doubt surprised by the sudden show of emotion from the usually controlled blonde, but her eyes don't look away. Clarke sits down right beside her, one arm across from the girl's body, supporting her own, as they stay there, face to face. Clarke's other hand reaches out and moves some of Lexa's hair behind her ear. She smiles, but Lexa's face is serious. "I know how strong you are," she tries to explain, "I've seen it. And I think I started believing that you were invincible. That I would never have to worry about losing you. And now it feels like it could happen at any minute."

The smile that refused to come now starts to form, and Lexa gently pulls Clarke to her. "Come here."

The blonde lies down, her forehead touching Lexa's as they hold each other, and their eyes hold each other's gaze.

"You know we can't stay here forever," the former Commander whispers, to which Clarke nods. It is a truth she wishes she could ignore, but each day brings them closer to it. "And you know I won't let you go alone. So I need to be ready."

The fact that such things are spoken in such a casual manner always takes Clarke by surprise. They are like little confessions, delivered almost recklessly, but carrying so much meaning behind them.

And, little by little, she learns to do the same. With Lexa – with all the Grounders, really – she's been learning that words mean very little if they are not accompanied by the corresponding actions. More than that, she's learned that words are unnecessary sometimes, that it is always more valuable to show what you are willing to do, whether it's for peace, for love, for family, for war, rather than talk about it. It's also shown her the importance of promises. Of not taking them lightly, not making them as a means of comforting or placating someone. So when she speaks again, she means every word. "Don't worry. I am not leaving this place until you are."

x-x-x-x-x

After they eat, Clarke sets out to change Lexa's bandages and cannot help her surprise. The bullet wound is healing faster than she thought, and she wonders if the dark blood comes with extra perks of fast healing. It would sure come in handy for any Commander.

She cleans it and wraps it before once more taking a seat behind Lexa, and once more placing a kiss to her shoulder before checking on her cut. The infection is clearing already, but she applies some more of the herbs anyway. "I think the fever is gone. How do you feel?" she asks as she brings the brunette closer.

"I heal fast with enough motivation," Lexa replies, bringing Clarke's hand to her lips. "Are _you_ ok, Clarke?"

She doesn't reply, but asks a question of her own instead. "Do you think this will ever be over? Wars, danger, fearing for our lives every step we take?"

"It will," the brunette says, even though she knows it is but a guess. She cannot promise such a thing when it doesn't depend solely on her, "You gave me hope for peace for the first time in a long time. And I do believe most of my people want that, too, they are just not used to living like that. They still fear they will be in danger."

"How do we make sure they won't be?"

Lexa thinks about it for a moment, her mind already used to strategies and plans, and it doesn't take long for her to speak. "We know where Pike stands. We know where Kane and your mother stand. We know where you and I stand. There is only one wild card in this game."

"Ontari," Clarke completes her line of thought. "For better or for worse, she is the key to this now, isn't she?"

" _Sha._ If we want a way to prevent the war, we need to get to her. We need to _know_ her and understand her."

"No," the blonde shakes her head, her grip on Lexa tightening unconsciously, as if it will be enough to keep her there, "No, you can't be thinking about just marching into Polis and hoping that maybe they won't kill you on the spot."

"They wouldn't."

"They would, if she ordered them to," Clarke reasons, "You said it yourself, she's the wild card. We don't know anything about her. All we know is she was faithful to Nia, and Nia clearly wanted you dead," from the way she doesn't get a reply, she knows Lexa cannot argue that. "I'll go first, as an ambassador."

"No."

Clarke waits for an explanation, a good reason, anything. But apparently that is all Lexa has to say to that.

"No?"

"The other thing we know about Nia is that she despised Skaikru, she didn't even recognize you as an ambassador. And Ontari saw you try to kill her Queen. How do you expect her to trust you?"

It is Clarke's turn to fall silent, until she has another thought. "Roan. Roan is loyal to you, what if we talked to him first?"

"We would never make it to Azgeda before the war. And there wouldn't be enough time to talk to him and then try to get close to Ontari. We need to do both things at the same time."

"Splitting up? No way."

"Maybe we don't need to," Lexa explains as her mind tries to form a plan, "We send someone to him, someone we can trust, and ask him to send someone to meet us as we make our way to Polis. We get information before we go in, and then we decide. At least we'll be there already."

"That will be good _if_ he sends someone and _if_ no one finds us first and _if_ he has something that can help us with Ontari. That is a lot of ifs."

"Even so, it's still our best shot."

Clarke sighs and rests her forehead on Lexa's shoulder, to which the brunette turns and kisses her head.

"I know," she answers to what Clarke doesn't have to say out loud, "It feels too soon to me, too."

x-x-x-x-x

They radio Octavia, who promptly informs them they will be ready to strike at Pike in a day's time. As the grounder army gets bigger, more people are starting to fear an actual confrontation, something their Chancellor seems to be almost eager to do.

"What is this guy's trauma, anyway? Do you remember him at the Ark? He was a teacher!" Clarke rambles on the radio.

"I don't think any of us are who we used to be at the Ark anymore, Clarke," Octavia's reply comes in a tone that makes the blonde wonder who else she is thinking about. Bellamy? Jasper? Raven?

And she wants to ask, she wants to know about every single one of them, but she could find things she doesn't want to know. She could start to feel guilty and lose focus. So she lets it go, and brings the conversation back to the reason she contacted her friend in the first place.

"Lexa and I have a plan… sort of," she starts, and can almost see Octavia's eyes rolling.

"Of course you do."

"We will need some help."

There is nothing but static for the longest time, and then the girl's voice can be heard once more. "Fine. What can we do from our end?"

They discuss the plan into more detail and, to Clarke's relief, Octavia doesn't laugh at their faces for all the risks they'd be taking. Mostly because she cannot think of an alternative, so this will have to do. They talk about who to send. Octavia is needed at the Ark for when they try to take over from Pike, and so is Kane. Abby or Indra can't go without causing suspicion. Raven's leg would be a risk. And neither of them still completely trusts Murphy. "We'll need to ask someone who doesn't know Lexa is alive," the brunette on the other side of the line concludes.

Clarke and Lexa look at each other, knowing this will mean one more risk. Each person who knows represents a potential risk, even if it is someone they trust.

"How about Lincoln?" Lexa tries, already knowing Octavia will not like it, but trying to explain her reasoning, "Isn't there a way to get him out and at the same time use it as a diversion to get your plan against Pike in action? He would be safer outside of Arkadia, Roan won't hurt him, and he wouldn't have to go into Polis. He can talk to Roan, give him the message and come back."

"We do have Miller on the guard, he could help us with that," Octavia ponders, "It could be good timing."

"Good. King Roan's messenger needs to meet us in Polis in three days' time. It should give Lincoln enough time to get to Azgeda, and the messenger enough time to make the journey to Polis. Clarke and I will leave in two days," she announces, to which Clarke gets up and steps away from the radio.

"I'll think of a way to get Lincoln out. If I can't, I'll have to ask someone else. Do you guys trust me to find someone?"

"Yes," Lexa replies with no hesitation, causing Clarke to look back at her in surprise. "Let us know if there are any new developments."

She turns the device off and looks up at Clarke, slowly getting on her feet before the blonde rushes in to help her. When they both stand face to face, Clarke knows not to argue. But she still asks. "Does it hurt?"

The brunette takes one tentative step towards her as if to prove a point. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"We'll get a horse, and you'll ride with me. Ok?"

Lexa, also knowing when not to argue, simply nods. "Ok."

x-x-x-x-x

Knowing that they will be leaving the place soon, Clarke opens the hatch and takes a look at the outside world to make sure no one is around. Then she turns around and takes Lexa's hand, helping her through the few steps that lead outside.

Having lived her entire life on the ground, Lexa misses the fresh air and the trees, and the blonde figures it will probably help her heal and feel better if she can experience them again like this.

They don't venture far, Lexa takes a seat by a log nearby while Clarke – always keeping an eye on the brunette – catches more berries and herbs they might need. She can almost feel Lexa's eyes on her at each step she takes. Not only watching and admiring, but protecting her as well.

Finally, having gathered all they might need, the blonde approaches the log and takes a seat next to the pensive girl. She points to a direction on their side. "The dropship is right that way. These woods here, they were our home, too. I know they were yours first, but for the most of us, it was the first time we could be free. The Ark had so many restrictions and rules, it was suffocating," she rolls her eyes at her choice of words, given the lack of oxygen at the station at the time, "In more ways than one."

"How was life there? Did you have your own places? A place to walk, a place to learn?" Lexa asks, looking up at the now setting sun, the sky turning into a bright shade of orange.

"Each station had rooms. Small ones, nothing like yours. And we did go to school, learned of our history, the ground, or at least what we thought we knew about the ground. There wasn't much room for anything, though. When we landed and we saw how much open space there was, where we could run and explore… it felt like a dream."

"But… it was supposed to be punishment for you. Wasn't it?"

"Yes and no," Clarke ponders, "It was more like a really messed up second chance. We would either all die at once and save them enough oxygen for a few more months, or we would prove that we could survive here, save them oxygen for a few more months, and pave the way for them to come down after us."

"It's strange, isn't it? The Mountain Men bled us so they could live. The coalition fights each other, believing it's the only way to survive. Skaikru sends its own children to possible death so the ones in charge can have a little more time to live."

"We all act like savages," the blonde nods, understanding where Lexa is getting at, "But somehow the ones with more technology and better guns think of themselves as the civilized ones, and think they have more right to this planet than the only ones who actually survived in it without needing any help from that technology. I just don't get why it needs to be one or the other."

"It doesn't," Lexa takes a deep breath, enjoying the fresh evening air, "Not for everyone. Lincoln and Octavia seemed to get it right before any of us did. Lincoln never hurt you. From the very beginning, it was like he had a different understanding of the situation."

"But we hurt him," Clarke shakes her head as she remembers, " _I_ hurt him. He saved my friend's life and almost took his."

"You wouldn't have." There is no way the former Commander can know about the situation, or the circumstances at the time. She doesn't know that Finn was poisoned, and that Clarke, at the time, would've done pretty much anything to save him. She doesn't know any of that, and she still doesn't have one trace of doubt when she speaks. "If I know you, I would say you hurt him to protect someone else. Or try to save someone else. Not for revenge or leverage."

She has to smile at that. "You do know me. But does it matter why? When you hurt an innocent?"

"I think it does. If the one you're protecting is also an innocent."

"He was, at the time," she swallows hard, remembering the boy she knew and the boy he then became. "Octavia is right. None of us were the same after we landed."

"Did you ever think that maybe, for the first time, you all had the chance to be exactly who you were?"

"He wasn't a cold blooded killer before."

The look on Lexa's face indicates that she now knows for sure who Clarke is talking about. "He did it to find you. He thought he'd lost you. It doesn't exonerate him, but I can understand why he did it. He wasn't thinking."

Strange as it is, talking to Lexa about Finn feels liberating. She's had a long time to come to peace with the fact that the boy's actions caused his death. The Commander was simply the one to apply the rules. Rules Clarke has seen her, more than once, apply to her own people – sometimes even dear, close ones – in the exact same manner.

"Did you ever think about giving up? All those deaths you had to inflict, all your laws, all the duels and combats and you needing to prove yourself worthy of being their Commander. Did you ever get tired and just wanted to disappear? Like I did after Mount Weather?"

"I never took any pleasure on those deaths. Not even his," she clarifies, to which Clarke nods. She knows it. She's known it ever since she witnessed Lexa putting her dagger through Gustus' heart. "But I never allowed myself to mourn them, either. You were right when you said that I felt for them. All of them. I still do. But we are trained for it from such a young age that it was always just a part of our lives. A sad one, but still necessary. There was only one time I questioned all of it."

"Costia?" Clarke tries, remembering the emotion on Lexa's voice that first time she offered her a piece of her intimacy, of her thoughts and feelings.

"Costia," Lexa confirms with a nod, takes a deep breath and goes on, "It hadn't been too long since I was Commander. We were together before that, and when I became Heda, I was told I couldn't be with her anymore. 'To be Commander is to be alone,' Titus always told me. We didn't listen, of course. I thought I was powerful enough to protect her. And when it happened, everything lost its meaning. The clans, the laws, the throne. It felt like I'd lost everything."

Clarke nods, understanding all too well, and relating to what she'd felt just a few days ago, when she saw Titus pulling the strange Heda 'soul' from Lexa.

"And then I realized that being Commander was all I had left. If I gave that up, I'd have nothing. It gave me purpose and it gave me focus. It was like I could turn the pain off, so I did it. I felt stronger that way. And I learned to be alone."

"You were protecting me," the blonde always knew Lexa was protecting her in Polis, and even in TonDC, but what she realizes now is that it was going on way before that, "From the very beginning."

"I was," Lexa confirms, "But you were different. With time, I saw that. I saw that you were so much stronger, and that maybe it would be enough. Because even if I wasn't strong enough, _we_ could be."

The blonde can do little other than listen, and watch Lexa, entranced as she speaks.

"Titus told me that my feelings for you were putting both of us in danger. He said that you would end up having to pay for my mistakes the same way Costia did."

That part makes Clarke move to turn fully to Lexa, who remains still, looking ahead. "Please tell me you didn't believe him."

"I didn't."

And the look on Clarke's face is so proud that it practically says 'That's my girl,' and it makes Lexa blush. It is the first time the blonde sees that and she could definitely get used to it.

"I never stopped thinking about what was best for my people. I don't need to be alone to know that. Of course, I didn't know that he would try to make you pay for my so-called mistakes himself."

"He thought he was protecting you," Clarke surprises herself by saying it.

"I know he did. But he was being condescending, thinking I needed to be protected from my own decisions. He should've known better. It wasn't his place."

"If you knew what he would do, would you have done anything differently?"

"Mistakes always offer us a chance to learn from them," the girl starts, but turns her head at Clarke and smiles, "But the mistake was his. The only thing I would've done differently would be to lock him up before he had a chance to try to hurt you," she then turns more serious as her eyes look up to find Clarke's, a little insecurity written across them, "How about you?"

"I would've kept you from walking into my room," she replies without thinking much, and, after doing so, corrects herself, "Although your plan sounds much better because it keeps me out of his shooting range, too."

"He wouldn't have stopped, you know? If I hadn't walked in. Not until you were dead. So I wouldn't change that, either."

"Please, don't say that," Clarke sighs, "I would never want you to get hurt because of me. It happened too many times already."

"As Commander, I can promise you I would, and did, get hurt with or without you there," Lexa quips, gently nudging Clarke with her elbow, "The only difference is that now I have much stronger reasons to want to stay alive," she whispers, their lips so close that a mere gasp from the blonde brings them together.

Clarke knows to be careful not to hurt Lexa. Especially now, that they have set a date to leave, without any assurance that they will have a comfortable place to sleep or clean supplies to tend to the girl's wounds. So her kisses are soft and even, at times, tentative, not because of how she feels, but because she has found how easy it is to give in to those feelings Lexa evokes within her. And how amazing it feels once she does. But she has to believe that they will have time for that.

However, the fact that she has enough control to keep their kisses from turning into a full on make out session doesn't mean she finds it easy to pull away. The only thing that does it for them, at that moment, is the rustling sound coming from nearby.

"Shit!" Clarke takes her knife, immediately aware of their surroundings. When she sees nothing, she reaches for Lexa's hand, "Come on, let's get back inside."

"Someone's coming," Lexa, much more used to the woods around them, announces with her ever present calm, even as she gets up and, carefully and always keeping an eye around them, start walking back to the bunker.

When the trees do move and someone walks out, she is the one who jumps in front of Clarke, who utters an indignant 'are you kidding me?' behind her.

"Heda."

"Indra," both girls whisper in relief, but the warrior's face does not hold the same expression.

They soon understand why, as the noise becomes louder and more people's voices can be heard, approaching them.

"All clear!" Indra yells out, before turning back to Clarke and Lexa, "Go, now!"

x-x-x-x-x

"I'm sure the 'nice to see you' just got lost in the message," Clarke says sarcastically after closing the hatch, safely locking them inside.

Lexa wastes no time in sitting by the first surface she can find, the short run no doubt proving to be too much for her current state. "She didn't have to say it," the girl smiles, taking a sip of water when Clarke sits next to her, offering the canteen.

"She called you Heda," Clarke notes, always having to remind herself to not coddle Lexa, not to tell her to go lie down right now, and to try and act normally. "Old habits?"

"Maybe. Or maybe it was her version of 'nice to see you'," giving the blonde the canteen back, she reaches out, silently asking for Clarke's hand to help her to bed. She happily obliges.

"I think being outside did you good," she says as she helps her down, "even if you look like you're about to pass out now," she smiles and bring her hand to Lexa's forehead, and then her cheek. "No fever. You must really be motivated," she chuckles, referring to their earlier conversation.

"I told you I was," Lexa smiles, leaning into Clarke's touch before her eyes close, the exertion from the day taking its toll on her still healing body.

Clarke covers her with their makeshift blankets, and her heart clenches when she thinks that they only have two more nights like this. Warm, safe, peaceful. She tries to think of where their journey will hopefully take them: long lasting peace for their people. _All_ of their people. Perhaps, if she keeps that in mind, she can gather even more strength to keep pushing her limits.

Needing to keep her mind focused on anything else other than Lexa – because, really, if she doesn't, she will never be able to leave this place – she reaches for the radio and calls for Octavia.

"Any news?" she asks quietly.

"I talked to Miller, he thinks he can get Lincoln out without attracting too much attention. But we're still working on the details," the younger Blake replies, "Everything ok on your end?"

"We just ran into Indra," she says, "Well, more like the other way around. She was scouting the area with a few others, but she didn't tell them anything."

"You think they are looking for something? Even for Lexa, maybe?"

"I hope not, it will make our plans a lot harder if they are. Have you been able to keep in touch with her?"

"Yes. We meet every day. Kane, too. We sneak out and see her and a few others for a few minutes. A lot of people don't want this war, Clarke. On both sides."

"That's good. We can use this."

The interference gets too loud, and Octavia's voice is barely clear, but Clarke can hear it saying she needs to go. And there is silence again.

She wonders what the Grounders do each time there is a change in leadership. Do they all automatically align themselves with the new one? Is there ever a challenge? Are there ever people who don't like the choice that's been made?

Can she ever use any of that to help Lexa become Commander again?

But then she thinks of how many times she wished Lexa didn't owe her people so much. Not only Lexa, but her as well. If neither of them is a leader to their people, could they find peace for themselves? Could they just be with each other, without all the hard decisions that don't always seem to belong to them?

Most of all: do they even have the right to selfishly turn their backs on everyone?

She wishes she could say yes, and mean it. Deep down, she knows she never could.

One more glance at the brunette in bed tells her that Lexa is still awake, eyes now open, observing her. "You think too much," she states, making Clarke laugh.

The blonde makes her way to the bed and lies down on her back, looking up. "So you keep saying."

"What is troubling you now?" she turns her head to the side so she can look at the girl.

She takes a moment before replying, "The fact that I sometimes want to turn my back and leave my people behind, without a second thought. That I am tired of sacrificing so much for them, and yet they always seem to demand that I sacrifice even more."

"That's what it means to be a leader," Lexa offers.

"That's the thing," she turns to her side fully, facing the brunette, "Neither of us asked for it. Do we ever get to say no? Do I ever get to just be with whoever I want and not have to justify myself, or hide, or run, or fight?"

"You do, if you truly want that. But we both know you wouldn't. It would kill you to stand by knowing that people are dying out there and you're not even trying to stop it, wouldn't it?"

"It would. But I'm so tired of this."

 _This._ It can mean a lot of different things. The ground. The war. Her people. Her enemies. Her fight. Or even Lexa and the complications her feelings for her bring to everything else. Which is why the brunette's voice is shaky when she asks, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that in less than two days I will be out there, looking over my back every second, trying to stop a war other people caused, without any guarantee that by the end of it the ones I love will be safe."

"Your people can put up a really good fight. I should know."

"Yes, they can," Clarke's breath catches in her throat, and she rests an arm around Lexa's waist, her thumb grazing through her side, their eyes never breaking contact, "But I wasn't talking about them. I was talking about you."


	5. Chapter 5

_I owe you guys the biggest apologies! But these have been very peculiar (amazing) weeks, and I'm so close to getting my dream job after so much studying and working so hard for it. So please send me good thoughts and all that stuff, and I promise to be better at updating again. I'll try my best to post another chapter until the end of the weekend to make up for it, and then go back to updating every Thursday._

 _As for the chapter, one thing I wanted to say:_ _I have no idea where Lexa is really from, or her history, so I created my own version of it. I could find a bit of information online, but nothing too in depth, so if there is some sort of official story and I am way off, I apologize._

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 _"I mean that in less than two days I will be out there, looking over my back every second, trying to stop a war other people caused, without any guarantee that by the end of it the ones I love will be safe."_

 _"Your people can put up a really good fight. I should know."_

 _"Yes, they can," Clarke's breath catches in her throat, and she rests an arm around Lexa's waist, her thumb grazing through her side, their eyes never breaking contact, "But I wasn't talking about them. I was talking about you."_

 **Chapter 5**

Lexa's eyes widen, but Clarke looks more sure and peaceful than she's been the past days. Getting lost in Lexa's presence is so easy, and she allows herself to do it one more time. She thinks of everything she wishes she'd said before, and everything she is now more sure than ever, and she sees no reason to hold back.

"You remember when you said you trusted me? Right before the first time we kissed?" she reminisces, letting her fingers trace Lexa's jaw, her nose, the skin around her eyes, just touching her, just being with her.

"Clarke…" the brunette looks nervous, but doesn't pull away from the touch.

The girl continues, her hand travelling down to meet Lexa's, intertwining their fingers and squeezing softly, "I told you I knew it was difficult for you," she slowly brings their joined hands closer to their hearts, so they rest between them, "And I think I'm starting to understand that words may not mean a whole lot to you, but _these_ words do. And they mean everything to me, too." Before Lexa can think of what to say, the blonde leans closer, their lips barely touching, and whispers, because Clarke is all heart, has always been. Her emotions guide her, and she won't let war and the world change that in her. " _Ai hod yu in, Leksa._ "

And Lexa, who spent so much time convincing herself that she could shut her heart down and be all mind all the time, feels the tears falling from her eyes the moment the words fall from Clarke's lips. She hasn't heard them in too long, not like this, not with such truth behind them. For once, she shuts her mind down, the voices who tell her not to do this now, not when they are about to go out to a world of danger again, and gives her heart some breathing space. And her heart does not hesitate before speaking. "I love you, too, Clarke."

"I know," Clarke replies, a grin forming on her lips, "You're great at a lot of things, Commander, but subtlety is not one of them."

The way Lexa's eyes roll and her own lips curl up in a smile is the last thing the blonde sees before closing her eyes and falling asleep in her Commander's arms.

x-x-x-x-x

There are no nightmares. No horrible visions haunting her dreams, no death, no loss. There is only love, and hope. When Clarke wakes up, it feels like she finally had all the sleep she needed in order to recover her strength and get ready for what's to come.

Although it is a little hard to think of what's to come when the bravest, smartest, most beautiful brunette has her wrapped in her arms, and leans over for a kiss the moment Clarke opens her eyes. The surprise is most definitely a pleasant one.

"Is that enough to convince you I'm here, and that I'm ok?" Lexa asks when their lips part.

Clarke's mind goes back to their conversation the previous day, and she lets herself curl up further against Lexa's body as she nods. "Maybe," she replies a second later, "I might need to check a few more times," and then, as her entire face is peppered with kisses, she whispers, "Much better."

"Come on," the brunette slowly disentangles herself from Clarke and gets out of bed, an action that already seems much easier than the day before, and then reaches out her hand for the other girl to take, "I want to show you something."

The blonde tries to protest when Lexa grabs her dagger, signaling that she plans on going outside, but she knows there is no point. Moreover, if they will be leaving on some sort of secret mission soon, it is probably a good idea to explore the place and get a better understanding on how things are going on the outside. No matter how risky it might be.

But Lexa's ears are trained for this. She can identify movement half a mile away, and evade anyone who might be coming closer. And Clarke has gotten a lot better since the days when Anya would smack her for walking too loud.

Luckily, it isn't something they need to worry, for the journey proves to be short and without a problem. It is an area of the woods Clarke didn't have the chance to explore, and she wonders how she hasn't seen it before. The 100 did walk all around the area back in the day.

It is a small cave – too small to provide shelter or a safe hiding place, more like an ancient altar or something of the kind. Looking around, Clarke can see a few more rocks that form an almost perfect circle around them. Ruins of a place of worship, probably. Most likely for one of the communities that may have lived around there.

The trees are tall around them, but the area within the circle forms a small clearing, where wild flowers now grow.

Lexa takes a seat by one of the bigger boulders which form the circle, and observes as Clarke looks around.

"I wish I'd known about this place," she speaks, letting her fingers pass through the rocks as she walks by, "I would've liked to sit here and draw the trees, the rocks."

Lexa, on her turn, looks up to the trees, taking in the view and the changes she notices. "I haven't been here since before I became Commander. Anya used to bring me when I was her second. But she didn't bring me here to fight or to train, she wanted this place to be free of that. In here, we just talked. She taught me so much, and every time after the conclave when I felt overwhelmed or scared, I would close my eyes and think of this place."

"Why did you never come back?" Clarke's forehead creases as she walks closer, stopping in front of Lexa and taking her hand to help her up. She then rests both her arms loosely around her waist, keeping enough distance so they can look at each other.

"It's too far, and I couldn't be away for that long, unless I was needed at one of the camps or villages."

And suddenly Clarke is glad she never found this place before. Knowing what she knows, it would've felt like an invasion of a special place. It feels right that Lexa is the one to bring her, to reveal it to her.

"TonDC is that way, isn't it?" Clarke's head points to a direction opposite of where they came from, and gets a confirmation from Lexa, "Is that where you grew up, too?"

"I was born there," she confirms, finding it strange to be talking about her past, strange that someone is genuinely interested in her stories, in her life, "but I was taken to Polis to be trained when they found out I was _natblida_."

 _Taken._ The word doesn't sit right with Clarke for some reason. "How old were you?"

"It was right before my ninth celebration."

"You were eight years old?" Clarke's voice rises, her mind unable to compute such thing.

"It is the way of our people," Lexa offers a weak shrug.

"And your parents?"

"I thought my parents were going with me. But they had their duty to our people at the village, and I had mine, in Polis. It's what I was told. That's when Anya said she would go with me. She wasn't too old herself, but she was training me, and she used that to convince the village elders."

"But I thought the Commander trained you," Clarke wonders out loud.

"He did. But whenever I wasn't there, I was with Anya."

"Did you ever see your parents again?" she thinks she already knows the answer to this question, but it doesn't keep her heart from breaking when Lexa's head shakes.

And then she thinks of Anya getting shot. She thinks of the fierce leader, so different from the one before her now it is weird to think one was trained – and pretty much raised – by the other.

She thinks of the moment she gave Lexa the news. "I had no idea she was that important to you. When I told you what happened to her…"

"You showed respect," Lexa interrupts, "to her and to me. Even when you owed me none. I knew you were special then."

"Come on," the blonde shakes her head with a small smile, "You hated me when you met me."

To her surprise, Lexa's eyebrows raise in something Clarke cannot decide if is disappointment or sadness, "Is that really what you think?"

The unexpected response makes Clarke reconsider, and think back on said day. "You talked about taking lives as if you were talking about getting your hair braided. I figured, given how many of yours I'd killed, you'd want to make sure I would be gone, too."

"But I didn't."

"But you didn't," Clarke confirms with the smallest nod.

The brunette takes a step back, walking around the place, deep in thought. When she speaks again, she focuses more on the small sanctuary than the blonde. It seems to make it easier, to talk about such things. "It was, at first, my intention. We were hunting Finn at the moment, but you killed a lot more than he did. It would've been you, too. And then you showed up, and you had Anya's hair, and you were nothing like the rest of them. You were nothing like I expected. You caught me by surprise, and then I thought 'well, he did kill unarmed people, she killed warriors who were there to attack them. It's different. It has to be.'" She hears Clarke's gasp, and turns to her with a small grin, "I also knew the alliance didn't stand a chance without you as their leader. Maybe with Kane, but Kane had little say with your friends. So, there. It was completely professional."

Clarke's smile is wide as she nods. "Of course. Like when I saved you from that _pauna_. Entirely professional."

"It wasn't?"

The fact that Lexa's face shows genuine surprise when their eyes meet causes Clarke to roll her eyes before she takes the few steps that separate them and brings one hand to rest over the brunette's cheek, her thumb tracing her skin before she slowly kisses her. "No, Lexa," she whispers when she pulls away, "I didn't just _need_ your soul to stay where it is," her hand starts to move to the back of the girl's neck, where said _soul_ no longer rests, but she quickly changes her path and lets it rest over Lexa's heart, "I _wanted_ it to. I didn't want to think of you not being around anymore."

"So you _were_ being weak," Lexa teases with a smile.

"If love is weakness," Clarke shrugs, "Then yes, guilty as charged."

The rest of their time there is spent telling more stories, talking more freely than either girl has ever been used to, enjoying the little time of freedom they have left. They kiss, they hold each other, they don't think about leaving. At least not until a loud noise nearby startles them.

It is nothing but a deer prancing around, but it is enough to bring their minds back to reality.

"We need to talk about tomorrow," Clarke finally speaks, "We need to try and get more weapons, and…"

"Shhh," Lexa's finger rests over the blonde's lips as she shakes her head, "Not here, _sha_? No war, no fight, not in this place."

The request, softly delivered, almost as a plea, reminds Clarke of the special meaning the place holds for the one in front of her. "I'm sorry," she says immediately, on the same tone. It is a rare occasion, to hear such request from Lexa. The brunette is usually the one who cannot help herself, who cannot stop her mind from strategizing and planning. Clarke remembers the other time such plea was made. When they were in bed, and, for the first time, she got to see Lexa stripped from everything that gave her power, and even confidence.

Lexa has never been more beautiful than she was that moment. Just as now.

Clarke takes her hands, kissing them. "When this is over," she promises, "we'll come back here. And we won't have to worry about our people trying to kill each other anymore. Whenever things get hard out there, you focus on that."

"It will distract me from battle," Lexa replies in all seriousness, but Clarke simply kisses the words away.

"I thought that word was against the rules in here," with one more kiss, that Lexa happily responds to, Clarke lets their foreheads touch, breathing easily in the place that seems to offer the last bit of peace on the ground, and hoping that, soon, they will have the chance to truly live like this. That peace becomes more than just moments between the chaos that surrounds them.

 _One day,_ one thinks.

 _Soon._ The other one hopes.

x-x-x-x-x

"Clarke?" Lexa calls out quietly from the bed later that day. She has been lying down ever since they came back, and the blonde had every intention of doing the same.

If only she could stop herself from walking to one side of the bunker to the other.

"Clarke, we have a plan," the former Commander repeats a conversation they've had once before – and it seems so long ago now – when they were about to go to war as well, "It's solid. As much as it can be."

"I know, I know. _Plans never last very long in battle_ ," she remembers that talk, and yet, it doesn't seem like she's learned much since then. At least she doesn't feel like she did. "It was easier doing that before," she speaks without thinking, and before she can try to figure her own words out, she gets a response.

"Yes," Lexa agrees, "Yes, it was."

Because before, they had the unspoken agreement that their people would come first, no matter what. Now, things have changed, their priorities are different and, even though neither leader is willing to sacrifice their people, they are not willing to sacrifice the other in order to save them, either. It makes every choice twice as hard. Twice as many outcomes to consider.

"We've done this before. Come rest."

"How can you always be this calm? You were calm about _dying_." Clarke approaches the bed, but doesn't sit. "You were slipping away from me and you were not even scared."

"I _was_ scared," Lexa immediately corrects her, "I was scared for you. For what could happen to you when I was no longer around. But being Commander means being ready for anything. Even death."

"I won't have that," Clarke shakes her head, once more turning around and resuming her pacing, "I won't have you going out there and accepting that you may not come back. If you're going, you better be ready to fight like hell. Fight _fate_ if you have to."

"Clarke," the brunette calls her again, this time getting out of bed herself and walking towards the blonde who now has her back turned to her. She gently touches her shoulder, making her turn around so she can look into her eyes, "Look at me. I'm here, aren't I? Did I not fight? Did I not defy everything my people believe in? Am I not here, even though my so-called soul isn't inside me anymore?"

"Yes," Clarke replies quietly, her voice suddenly tired. "Yes, you are."

Lexa smiles despite herself, and takes both of Clarke's hands, slowly stepping back and bringing her along until the brunette is sitting in bed, looking up at the beautiful girl standing before her. "I swear I will fight to keep us alive. Both of us. Just like I know you will. Until my last breath, I won't give up."

"God, you don't have to be so dramatic about it," Clarke jokes, laughing as she quickly wipes a few unshed tears from her eyes.

The brunette smiles too, noticing that, despite the joke, there is still fear in the girl's voice. "You said it was easier before. But it was also very different. I didn't have much to fight for, except for my people. Everything is different now, Clarke."

"And yet you're still calm."

"I am sorry if my calm makes you nervous," Lexa grins, looking up and seeing Clarke fighting a grin of her own.

"Shut up," she finally says and leans to capture the girl's lips with her own.

As their kiss deepens, Lexa lies down in bed, and Clarke knows she needs to be careful, so she hovers over the brunette, one leg on each side of the girl's body so that none of her weight is on her. She looks for any signs of discomfort from Lexa's side and, finding none, captures her lips again as her free hand – one over the mattress, supporting her weight – starts to move towards Lexa's stomach and slowly up, careful not to touch the wounded skin.

She stops the second Lexa gasps, breaking the kiss and looking at her with worry. "I'm so sorry, am I hurting you?"

But the girl shakes her head so quickly that Clarke is sure that the gasp was definitely pleasure induced, and brings her lips to Lexa's jaw, and neck, and lets her hand continue its way up until it finds her right breast.

The gasp that follows that is most definitely not one of pain.

"Are you ok to do this?" she asks between heated kisses.

"I'll kill you if you stop," is the reply Clarke gets, and it is all the incentive she needs.

But she does pull away for a moment. If they're going to do this, they're going to do this right.

She sits back up, bringing Lexa up to mirror her position so she can help her out of her shirt without moving the area around the wound much. Ever so carefully, she strips the brunette of every layer before removing her own items of clothing.

Despite her momentary physical limitations, Lexa takes advantage of their sitting position to kiss down Clarke's neck, and then further down until her mouth reaches what it had been searching for, gently letting her teeth graze one of the girl's nipples, eliciting a moan from the blonde, who wraps her arms around her, bringing her closer.

Lost in the sensations on her upper body, Clarke lets her hands travel down as well, teasing Lexa by leaving feather light touches around her inner thigh. Not getting the access she needs, she kisses Lexa's head, temple, until her mouth is right next to her ear. "I'm gonna need you to lie down again," she whispers.

The former Commander happily obliges.

Clarke is careful, and gentler than the last time. She has a feeling it would be this way regardless of Lexa's health, because it is different now. It is always different once feelings are exposed, the meaning behind each touch becomes stronger, more purposeful. And they both know it.

When Clarke's fingers move inside Lexa and the brunette's moans and gasps are caught by Clarke's mouth connecting with hers, and she holds on to her girl from the sky as she climaxes and hears the most beautiful reassurances, she knows that anyone who ever dares trying to take this away from her won't stand a chance.

" _Ai hod yu in,_ " Lexa repeats the words over and over as she places kisses on every inch of Clarke's skin she can access.

The blonde, on her turn, brings the covers over them and holds the girl close, enjoying the way their bodies connect in every possible way. "Just don't go out the door anytime soon. We don't want you to get shot again." Clarke mumbles, and Lexa punches her arm lightly.

"Go to sleep, Clarke. Your jokes are horrible today."

Completely ignoring Lexa's words, Clarke holds her even closer and sighs, happy and relaxed at being able to simply live in that perfect moment. "I love you, too, Lexa."

x-x-x-x-x

There isn't much time from the moment they wake up the next day – although _day_ might be a bit of a stretch. Octavia radios them way before the sun rises, telling that Lincoln is free and probably already close to Azgeda as they speak, and that Indra will be there soon with some supplies and a horse.

Clarke changes Lexa's bandages one last time, making sure they are tight and protected and that the girl is as ready as she can be for the long trip.

Indra is already outside by the time they open the hatch and walk into the still dark forest, with supplies from the Ark, sent by Abby, and a few from the Grounder camp.

Never one for sentimental scenes, the warrior helps them get set, but hurries back, worried that she might be missed once the others start to wake up at camp. She does, however, turn around and looks right at her former Commander. "Be careful, _Heda_. Don't die again."

With a grateful nod from Lexa, she disappears between the trees.

Clarke wastes no time in mounting the horse and offering her hand to help Lexa do the same. With much more ease than the blonde expected given the circumstances, the former Commander climbs up in front of Clarke. The blonde takes the reins, letting her arms wrap around the brunette, "If it starts hurting too much," she speaks quietly, but firmly, "you need to let me know, Lexa. I've already taken this path with you unconscious next to me, and I don't want to have to repeat that." She finishes speaking and places a kiss to the girl's shoulder, something she cannot help doing whenever they are in this position.

Feeling Lexa's body relax against hers and noticing a quiet nod, she gives the reins a short flick, and the horse starts moving, a little too fast at first, but she soon finds a rhythm that suits them.

Lexa tenses when the movements begin, but doesn't say anything. When the speed is reduced, the pain subsides and she breathes a little easier.

Not missing any signs, Clarke pulls the brunette a little closer and lets her fingers trace her arm even as they keep control of the horse. The motion is soothing, and even in silence, she can tell it works by Lexa's breathing alone.

The bunker, the altar, the dropship. With each trot of the horse, their safety is left further behind. Clarke tries not to dwell on it, focusing instead on listening for sounds of anyone who may be near.

Everything seems to be calm around them, but, without warning, Lexa takes the blonde's hands that hold the reins, "We need to run. Someone's here," she hasn't even finished her sentence and the horse is already on full gallop.

Before Clarke can ask about what is happening, a spear passes by them, close. Too close. Without thinking, Clarke's arms envelop Lexa's frame, keeping her from exposure as much as possible, as the horse starts to go even faster through the woods, turning into a different direction so they are away from the main path.

Another spear flies towards them, and Clarke screams as she feels a sharp pain on her right arm. She looks. It is nothing but a flesh wound. It hasn't cut deep, and most important: there is only red blood, so it hasn't reached Lexa.

The brunette has all but taken control of the horse, and turns her head to Clarke, managing to speak through all the noise around them. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Hold on," is all she says before the horse takes a turn and starts to run at full speed.

It doesn't take long until the spears and arrows stop, and the only sound they can hear is their own. "I think we lost them," Clarke says, noticing how Lexa's arm shakes, worrying about what the sudden run may have done to her wound. She can barely feel the pain on her own arm, the adrenaline of the moment taking over. Lexa doesn't stop, urging the horse to go further until she is sure they are safe.

When the animal stops, the brunette looks around and breathes heavily, leaning forward. Until Clarke's good arm catches her, bringing her close again. "Come on, we need to take a look at you," her feet hit the floor and, when she pulls Lexa down to her, the brunette nearly collapses.

"You're hurt," Lexa speaks with a shaky breath, regaining her balance and taking Clarke's arm, "We need to clean this before we do anything else."

"Lexa, it's…"

"It could be poisoned," Lexa explains, fear sipping through her voice.

"Lexa, please, sit. I'll get everything we need," the blonde helps her sit by a nearby tree and quickly makes her way over to the horse, taking the medical supplies they've packed and kneeling in front of the other girl. "What do you feel?" she takes her hand, squeezing it, and examines the bandages, sighing in relief when she sees no sign of blood passing through.

"It hurts," she tries to slow her breathing, closing her eyes and resting her head against the tree, "But it's getting better. I think it was just the movement. Now give me your arm."

"It's fine, just breathe," Clarke assures her, taking a small box with vials and placing it next to them, "We have the antidotes. Indra got them for us, they were with the rest of the supplies," she explains, showing the vials to a much more relieved Lexa before dousing the cut with alcohol and trying her best not to scream at the sting.

"You should take one," Lexa points at the liquid, "Just in case."

But the blonde shakes her head. "Not until we know it's necessary. We can't waste it," there is no room for argument as Clarke takes the bandages and starts to wrap her own arm in a clumsy manner.

"You'll die of infection before the poison can get to you if you have your bandages like that," Lexa warns, more than a little teasing in her tone, as she gently pulls Clarke closer and expertly works on her arm, effectively protecting the cut.

They sit with their legs side by side, but facing each other so that Lexa has better access to Clarke's upper arm.

" _Mochof,_ " the blonde whispers when she finishes, Lexa's hand remaining there, stroking her arm. Clarke can see the worry etched on her face, and manages a small smile, "I don't think it was poisoned. But if I feel anything weird, I'll take the antidote, ok?"

Lexa's reply comes in the form of a nod.

"Do you think they knew who we were?"

This time, the brunette shakes her head. "I don't think they would give up so easily if they knew. And I think it will get easier. Most of the army is already in the area, so the further we get, the safer it will be."

"You don't think Polis will be protected?"

"Polis is always heavily guarded. But we don't need to worry about that for now. We just need to worry about getting close." Even as they discuss the situation, Clarke notices that Lexa's soft touch on her arm never stops, and that, as she does so, the brunette's hands and fingers slowly stop shaking, the physical connection relaxing both of them.

"We need to keep moving," Lexa says, even though she makes no move to get up.

"We do," it is Clarke who moves first, knowing that if she doesn't do so now, she will want to turn back and give up the plan altogether. "The running gave us quite the head start, we can go a little slower now," she helps the brunette up, examining her expression carefully. "We can stay a few more minutes if you need to, you know?"

"It would change nothing. Let's go."

Again, Clarke climbs first and Lexa resumes her position in front of her. "Lie against me and close your eyes," the blonde whispers as the horse starts a much softer walk, "Rest a little more."

Lexa, of course, doesn't. But she adjusts herself so that her back is pressed against Clarke, turns her head and kisses her, and lets her wrap the now injured arm around her body. "We can both rest later."

x-x-x-x-x

For the next hours, the only sounds they hear are those of the forest surrounding them. The calm allows for the horse to maintain its slower pace, which seems to work for Lexa.

Clarke keeps a close eye on her, knowing her well enough to not expect her to say anything if she feels like it might be time for a break. Sometimes, though, their eyes meet and the blonde smiles and shakes her head. Because she knows Lexa is doing the exact same thing, making sure Clarke isn't showing any signs of poisoning.

Both are apparently convinced that the other one is doing fine, because they don't stop again until the sun starts to set. They find a fallen tree which provides the shelter they need, but do not dare to start a fire, fearing it might draw too much attention, in case someone is still out looking for them.

"Do you feel any different?" Lexa asks as she takes the last bite of the canned food they brought along and tosses it aside.

"No," Clarke replies honestly, "No fever, no dizziness, just the cut."

"If you are still like this tomorrow morning, then we won't have to worry anymore." She makes sure their horse is tied up and their supplies are safe before taking a seat by another tree, a few steps from the fallen one Clarke is settled in. "Get some rest, Clarke. I'll take first watch."

The blonde thinks of protesting, but one look from Lexa tells her it would be useless. So she concedes. "You better wake me up in three hours."

The brunette smiles and nods. " _Reshop, ai gona._ "

And her smile becomes ten times brighter when Clarke replies with, " _Reshop, ai Heda."_

Less than an hour after she closes her eyes, Clarke starts to turn towards a fire that doesn't exist, looking for warmth as the night starts to grow colder. Lexa is certain she is growing too soft, for she soon whispers to herself, "I can keep watch from there," and sits right next to Clarke, bringing the girl's head to rest over her legs and wrapping the blanket more tightly around the blonde.

The same blonde who opens her eyes, looks up and smiles lazily upon seeing the other's face looking down at her, and soon goes back to a much more peaceful sleep.

* * *

 _Ai hod yu in. - I love you._

 _Mochof. - Thank you._

 _Reshop, ai gona. - Good night, my warrior._

 _Reshop, ai Heda. - Good night, my Commander._


	6. Chapter 6

_I am the worst at meeting deadlines that I set myself! Ok, so I swear I tried updating during the weekend, but the chapters are too long and I couldn't write that much in such a short time. But it's Thursday and here's the weekly update - that one as promised, too!_

 _Let me just tell you, once more, that I haven't been watching the show. For this week's chapter, this means I have no clue how Ontari has been acting as Commander. I did hear of a few things that lead me to believe the way I am choosing to portray her will be very different from the show. Still, I believe it could make sense for the little I know of the character. Hopefully you'll agree with me. All of it will show much more on the chapters to come than on this one, though, so bear with me. Please?_

 _Now, to the story!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 _ **Chapter 6**_

Clarke almost doesn't have the heart to wake Lexa up when the time comes. The brunette sleeps curled up against a sitting blonde, who watches the forest around them while her hand never stops a soft motion up and down the sleeping girl's back.

She allows her another half hour before her hand stops. "Lexa?" she gently shakes her. "Hey, it's time to go."

Lexa is up and gathering their things quicker than it should be acceptable for anyone running on little more than three hours of sleep, but Clarke reminds herself that the girl next to her is practically a born warrior, and that, no matter how comfortable they got during those few days in a place that was only theirs, that wasn't their reality anymore. It was probably never Lexa's reality to begin with.

"You're quiet today," Lexa points out after a couple of hours riding in relative silence.

"I'm sleepy," Clarke explains, kissing the brunette's shoulder in forms of an apology, "And maybe a little nervous," she admits.

Lexa nods, having thought this might be the case. Knowing Clarke, she is probably going through all the ways in which their plan could go wrong, and trying to find solutions for each of those. But the former Commander knows from experience that, should things really go wrong, whatever solution they come up with will most likely present itself in the moment. There is very little they can do hours in advance. So she decides that distracting Clarke is probably the best way to help.

"Tell me something about space," she suddenly asks.

"It sucked," Clarke grumbles, making Lexa laugh out loud at the way the all-powerful _Wanheda_ sounds just like any other teenager at that moment.

"Ok, how about…" the brunette reaches out to one of the bags attached to their horse, where she finds what she is looking for. Something she made a point in keeping safe. "This?"

Leaning her head forward and resting her chin on Lexa's shoulder, Clarke sees the drawing she made of the sleeping girl, and considers herself lucky that the brunette cannot see her. She is mostly likely one shade away from what would be considered blushing. "Where did you find this?"

"I was looking for the medicine when you were sleeping a few days ago, and found it. I'm glad you brought it with you from Polis."

"I'm glad I got to finish it with a live model," the blonde replies, not moving her head from its spot at the girl's shoulder, fully aware of how morbid the sentence sounds, but knowing how true it is.

"When did you finish?"

"First night at the bunker. Before you woke up."

"It looks like the work of someone who's done this a lot of times before. How long have you been drawing?"

Clarke cannot help smiling at the question about one of her favorite hobbies, the mere memory of such moments helping her relax. "Ever since I can remember. At the Ark, we had strict rules, even as kids. There was a lot we couldn't do, a lot we needed to understand from a very early age, and very little we were allowed to do freely. Drawing gave me a way out."

The explanation makes Lexa smile, and she even closes her eyes for a second, trying to imagine a little Clarke defying the rules and drawing all over walls. "What was your favorite thing to draw? Your friends?"

But the blonde shakes her head. "Actually, your world," she says more quietly, tightening her grip on the brunette, "The ground. I had to copy pictures I saw from books, mostly. But the books don't do it justice. I couldn't believe how beautiful everything was when we landed here."

"It's strange, from a very young age, my world is cruel, violent. I would never describe any of it as beautiful. It is what it is."

"Everything around us is beautiful. Us humans tend to ruin it, but just look. The animals, the trees, all the colors, even the air. Just breathing fresh air and being able to swim in the water. I get why you take it for granted, it's always been there, around you. But to see and feel it all for the first time, well, it was quite the experience."

"Do you miss anything from up there?"

Clarke needs to give it some thought before answering. Does she? She misses her dad, but he isn't really something from up there. He is someone who is gone, who could be with them down here had he not died. She misses people, not things. "I miss feeling safe," she finally replies. "But that was over even before we came down here. The earlier days, though, before I knew about the problems in the Ark, before my dad tried to save people and ended up dead, before I was locked down because of what I knew… I was happy. But I guess we have always been prisoners inside the Ark, one way or another. We just didn't realize it then. Coming back to the ground was always our main goal. It was the thing we all worked towards, every day. That place was never meant to be home. This is."

"Home," Lexa repeats the word, mostly to herself, without thinking about it. It evokes something so distant, like a memory she needs to dig deep to find. Her parents, her family, and a childhood that never really existed. But then she thinks of the moment she's in, she feels Clarke's arms around her, protecting her, and the feeling seems closer again, almost within reach. "I hope you find it, Clarke. Whatever safety you miss, whatever home you seek, I truly hope you find it."

"I think I may have found it already," the blonde replies, noticing the way Lexa's breath catches on her throat.

The silence which follows the moment is a much more comfortable one.

x-x-x-x-x

The tower that used to be Lexa's home is already visible from the woods, and for a moment the brunette just looks, something in her eyes that Clarke cannot quite read. Whatever it is, she knows this isn't easy on the girl. And she knows they are probably close enough already. "Should we stop here?"

Lexa shakes her head, having been lost in her thoughts until Clarke's voice pulled her away from them. She takes a look at the tower and the distance between them and Polis, "Yes, there is a spot not far from here where we can keep watch for Roan's messenger."

They dismount, and Lexa makes a point in checking Clarke's arm, even though she assures the brunette she isn't feeling anything out of the ordinary. When she is finally convinced, Lexa breathes in relief. "No poison."

"I told you," Clarke says, before taking the med kit herself, "Now, I need to change yours before things get crazy again."

She works on the bandages and then moves some of Lexa's hair to the front before kneeling behind her. She smiles when she notices the infection on her neck is gone, the cut already closing up. Her fingers brush around the skin there. Lexa doesn't react.

Clarke asks something that's been on her mind for a few days now. "Do you feel any different without it? You don't seem different to me."

The last part makes Lexa smile. Over the past days, Clarke started to pay attention, unconsciously drawing comparisons between Lexa, the Commander, and the Lexa that was pretty much brought back to life. Of course, she noticed the brunette has been less guarded, but this has always been the brunette's way when it was just the two of them. It is hard to tell, she figures, and it will be until she sees the way Lexa acts around others. For now, though, Clarke cannot point out any obvious changes.

"I feel different. Being the Commander, carrying that thing, it was like I had guidance to make decisions and plans. Like instinct, but magnified. And now it's gone. It's strange, too silent. Before, it was like having a century's worth of wisdom giving me advice," noticing that Clarke hasn't moved or said anything, Lexa shrugs, "I think it's hard for anyone else to understand."

"It became a part of you, no doubt," Clarke keeps each hand on one of the girl's shoulders, giving them a little squeeze, "And I think it carries a part of you in it. But I don't think it took any part of you away. At least nothing that could change who you are."

"Were you afraid it would?"

"I was afraid you would die," the blonde replies without hesitating, "Everything else was a second thought."

The conversation is interrupted by the sound of another horse nearby. "Stay here," Lexa says as she gets up so fast Clarke nearly falls forward.

"Yeah, right," the blonde says sarcastically, getting up right after the other girl and following her.

They only take a few steps before they notice that whoever is riding the horse is definitely Azgeda.

"Looks like our messenger is here," Clarke whispers and starts walking towards the warrior, only to be stopped by Lexa's hand on her arm, pulling her back.

"Clarke, the Commander from Azgeda now. We can expect a lot of them to be coming and going. We need to be careful."

And, just as predicted, the unknown warrior turns in the direction of the gates and is immediately let in, much to the blonde's dismay. "I almost gave our presence away."

"You're used to be being safe in Polis," Lexa smiles sadly, "Things have changed."

"Clarke?" Both girls jump at the third voice, too close to them, and turn to its direction at the same time, relieved when they recognize the face.

"Roan," Clarke sighs, "We weren't expecting you to come here in person."

"When I was told what happened, I had to see it for myself," he looks away from her and right at Lexa, who stands just behind the blonde, bowing his head slightly, "Heda."

"King Roan," Lexa replies, a nod of her head as well, and Clarke can see the transformation. From _her_ Lexa to the fierce warrior the brunette has always been in front of others. "You honor us with your presence. I trust this means you have information that can help us?"

"Your messenger was not entirely clear as to what you need," he takes a step forward, gaze focused on the brunette, and Clarke observes him carefully. It isn't that she doesn't trust him, but she won't risk anyone trying to hurt them. And it catches his attention, so he turns to her with a smile, "You've come a long way from wanting to kill her, Wanheda."

If Clarke is caught by surprise, she doesn't let it show, "She's come a long way from having to kidnap me to get me to talk to her," she shrugs, and looks back at Lexa with a smirk. And then it is back to business, "Now, let's talk about why we're here. Ontari. What's her deal?"

He looks between one and the other, seemingly trying to decide whether to be amused or serious. One look at both girls' faces and he decides on the latter. "I wasn't exactly around for the past couple of years, but I did know her well. What exactly do you want to know?"

"We want to know what to expect from her," Lexa takes a step forward so that she is right next to Clarke, "And possibly avoid this war with Skaikru. We need to get to her, understand her."

"So you want to go inside? You want an audience with her?"

"Would she grant us one?" Clarke asks.

Roan takes a second to think. "Like I said, I haven't been around her lately," he starts, choosing his words carefully, "But she has been showing herself to be more like you," he motions to Lexa, "than like my mother, which could work to our advantage. She might still regard Clarke as an ambassador, and listen to what she has to say."

"She _might_?" Lexa raises her voice, "Or what? Or she might remember Clarke tried to poison Nia and kill her for treason."

"That is the other possibility, yes. But it is still your best chance. I can go with her. I'm one of the leaders, and Ontari doesn't hate me… much."

Clarke crosses her arm in front of her chest, giving the idea some thought, "How about Lexa?"

The man looks between one girl and the other. "You're not seriously thinking she can walk in there right now."

"You're not seriously thinking I'm going to leave her here."

"And you two must be crazy if you think I am going to sit here and watch you go on your own," Lexa completes, staring at Roan as if this is somehow all his fault.

"Ontari may be showing herself to be more rational than expected," Roan argues, "But Nia was more a mother to that girl than she's ever been to me. Do not underestimate her loyalty. We need to go in first and see."

"So Clarke is bait?"

"Clarke is still Wanheda," he tries to reason, "And she may still be allowed to be an ambassador. But Lexa, not only are you the one who killed her queen, you are also the one who, just by being alive, threatens her leadership."

"No," Lexa shakes her head, "This is not an acceptable plan."

"Yes, it is," Clarke surprises the brunette by saying, and, already anticipating the brunette's reaction, turns to Roan before meeting her eyes, "Can you give us a minute?"

He nods and walks away, leaving the two leaders facing each other. "You cannot be serious. I told you I wouldn't let you go alone."

"I don't like this either. But he is right, I am the least likely to die by her hands."

"Least likely is not nearly good enough, Clarke," once more, Lexa raises her voice, stopping herself once she remembers they need to stay hidden. She starts pacing, her hand on her forehead, a sort of desperation as she tries to find another way.

Clarke approaches her, gently taking both her hands, and her heart nearly breaks when, looking at Lexa's eyes, she sees tears starting to form there. "We don't have time to send him on his own first. We need to do something now, you know that," she speaks softly.

"These are the people who took Costia and killed her just because of what she meant to me," Lexa's voice shakes, her eyes, though, remain focused on Clarke, "How can I watch you walk towards them and do nothing?"

"They won't worry about what I mean to you if you are not here anymore to get hurt by it," Clarke whispers, "I won't tell her until I know where she stands. But, Lexa, right now, what may keep you alive is everyone thinking you are dead."

Lexa doesn't reply, simply letting her head rest against Clarke's shoulder. The blonde wastes no time in wrapping her arms around her.

"One day," Lexa's muffled voice comes from the embrace, neither girl letting go.

"One day," Clarke repeats. "Tomorrow, by this time, if you don't hear from me, you go back and you get help."

"No," the brunette shakes her head, finally pulling away and cupping Clarke's face, "No, Clarke. I don't hear from you, I'll go in there and I'll get you."

"You can't," Clarke takes a step back, breaking contact and bringing her hand to her temple. _Great timing for a headache,_ she thinks. "And you can't stay here alone, either."

"She won't be," Roan walks back, followed by someone else.

Lexa looks up, ready to reach for her dagger and dare whoever it is to say she needs any sort of protection, and then she sees who it is, and she smiles instead. "Lincoln," her face then becomes more stern, "What are you doing here? You were supposed to go back after delivering the message."

"It is good to see you too, Heda," he nods, risking a small smile, relieved when it is reciprocated. "And considering I'm a fugitive there, this here seemed like a much smarter plan," he turns to look at Clarke, "No offense."

"Ok, so Roan and I go and try to talk to Ontari. You two stay here and keep each other safe," Clarke looks at Lexa, "Octavia will kill me if something happens to him."

"And if something happens to you?" Lexa counters.

Roan steps up, "You will be the first to know."

"Very comforting," Clarke mumbles, and Lexa's head whips on her direction. "It won't," she says right away.

All eyes are on Lexa as she stares at Clarke, the others waiting for her decision. She may not be Heda to the twelve clans anymore, but she is every bit the leader whose permission they wait to go ahead with the plan. But she isn't thinking like a leader, and she knows she probably needs to start now.

So she nods to Roan, and it is all the permission he needs before going back to his horse and getting ready. Lincoln has the foresight of giving both girls some space, so he comes up with an excuse of gathering food for the night. And it is only them.

Lexa crosses her arms, looking away from the blonde. "One day, Clarke."

"One day," the blonde nods, walks closer and touches Lexa's chin, tilting it up. When their eyes meet, so do their lips. The moment is soft, loving, and way too brief. "Take care, ok? Just… be here when I come back."

"Just… come back," Lexa makes a wish of her own, before turning around and following Lincoln. She's never been one for emotional goodbyes.

x-x-x-x-x

Clarke stays in place for a few minutes, watching Lexa walk away. It feels too soon to do this. But she knows they could say their goodbyes a hundred times over and stay there for hours, and it would still feel too soon. So she makes sure Lexa and Lincoln have all the supplies they will need and follows Roan so that they can make the short walk to the gates of Polis.

The sooner they start, hopefully, the sooner she will be back.

Getting inside is not a problem. Mostly because, the moment they recognize Wanheda, the guards rush to seize her. The new Commander, as it turns out, has been eagerly waiting to meet with her.

Roan identifies himself and assures them that their plans are very much the same as Ontari's, which allows for the spears and arrows to stop being pointed at them, but also for a very uncomfortable guided walk to the Tower.

The place is so familiar to Clarke by now, and yet everything feels so different. She knows those walls, those rooms, those huge doors that lead to the throne where she still half expects to find Lexa. It feels strange, and wrong, when the young Azgeda nightblood rises and speaks.

"Wanheda, at last you grace Polis with your presence again."

Clarke wastes no time in replying. "It's called grieving. I'm sure you of all people can understand."

She sees Ontari's hands clenching on the armrest, but when she looks back at the leader's face, there is a grin. "I see what our fallen Commander saw in you. Now, am I right to assume you are here to talk about the war between our people?"

There is calm and diplomacy in the way the girl speaks, and the blonde immediately makes a mental note of it. This is good. This is very good. She dares take one small step towards the throne.

"I am here to remind you that the majority of my people pledged loyalty to this coalition," she speaks carefully, "And to its rightful Commander," the words feel foreign in her mouth, though she knows they are necessary – and true. She finishes the sentence with a small bow of her head, the gesture of deference not leaving any doubts as to the status she recognizes for Ontari. "And I ask you to consider letting me stay as an Ambassador, so we can avoid another unnecessary massacre."

The Commander observes the blonde, taking her time in assessing the situation. Her expression suggests that she did not expect such thing, and maybe that she is struggling with herself – the girl who wants to avenge her queen's death against the Commander who must consider all the ways in which her people might be affected. Clarke has to admit her patience shows wisdom.

"Your chambers remain empty," she finally speaks, "You are welcome to stay until I make my decision."

" _Mochof,_ " With another respectful bow, Clarke turns to the door – two guards ready to escort her. She should know she would not be free to roam around. But she is safe for now. It's something.

x-x-x-x-x

The room is indeed pretty much the way Clarke left it, except for the mess Titus made when he decided to starting firing a gun all over the place, which has been cleaned up. Good. She doesn't think she could stomach seeing Lexa's blood all over.

Titus.

He wasn't by Ontari's side, and Clarke wonders if he even made it. Although she can't say she will miss him if he's gone, she wishes he isn't. It will be another loss to Lexa, and the brunette has had enough of those for a lifetime.

It is hard to be in the room where it all happened, even if she is fully aware of how much worse things could've gone. Lexa may have not lost her life, but, from that moment, everything changed nonetheless, for all of them.

Still, she is here. Still, Ontari allowed her to stay as a guest. She isn't sure how things will be the next day, but, for today, they aren't so bad.

Her mind relives the past hour, the words from Ontari – Clarke cannot bring herself to call her Heda, not even in her mind, let alone out loud, and she hopes it went by unnoticed – and, mostly, the look in her eyes, so unlike what she expected to see. Knowing Queen Nia and the stories she's heard of the Ice Nation, she thought she would be met with thirst for blood. She figured she would be treated as a prisoner, a traitor, an enemy.

It makes her wonder about the chip planted on the girl. If some part of Lexa is, in fact, in there, would that part have some say in the Commander's actions? Would that part of the former Commander be enough to make Ontari's instincts work to keep Clarke safe? Or would it be more like a dormant companion, only there to give solicited advice about wars and how to lead their people?

Whatever it is, it could be her way in, to earn Ontari's trust. Earlier, she thought she'd seen a glimmer of doubt there, and she reminds herself that the girl has been Commander for a few days only. That up until this point she was back home, certainly not expecting to be called back that soon, definitely not ready. Could she use that, too?

Truth is, Clarke hopes she doesn't have to. The last thing she wants is to manipulate, betray, use people again. If Ontari proves to be half the leader Lexa was, they will be able to understand each other, and work together, without a hidden agenda.

Of course, then there is the small matter of telling her that Lexa is alive. But they'll cross that bridge when they come to it.

Accepting that there is nothing she can do until the new leader calls for her, Clarke lets her body fall to the bed, and oh, is it comfortable. She's missed that, but one thought of Lexa reminds her that she is out there, in the woods, sleeping in some makeshift tent. It is enough to make her get back up and walk to the window. She can see the city gates from there, and the forest beyond them. Where Lexa is.

Her body may ache for the comfort and warmth of the bed next to her, but her heart aches for the brunette. Still, she smiles, for they are both ok so far. She takes one last look at the woods, and then she whispers, " _Reshop, ai Heda_."

* * *

 _Mochof. - Thank you._

 _Reshop, ai Heda. - Good night, my Commander._


	7. Chapter 7

_First of all: I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE I AM GOING TO MEET ALYCIA AND ELIZA AT THE BRAZILIAN CON IN JULY AND I HAD ALREADY BOUGHT VIP FRONT ROW TICKETS AGES AGO WHEN ELIZA WAS CONFIRMED AND I HAD NO HOPE OF ALYCIA BEING THERE TOO AND NOW I'LL WITNESS THE PERFECTION THAT IS CLEXA FROM THE FRONT ROW AND MEETS AND I AM DYING!_

 _Ok... ok, I'm good. Just taking deep breaths here. But I got so excited about the news that this chapter was ready a few hours earlier than I'd anticipated! So yay! Let me know your thoughts, suggestions, theories, complaints (be nice, though, please?) and anything you'd like to say. Thank you for reading!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 _ **Chapter 7**_

The sun has barely risen when Clarke hears a loud knock on her door. She isn't surprised. Refusing to be caught unprepared, she decided to use her lack of sleep to her advantage, and got ready very early in the day. Sleep doesn't come easy, it would seem, when she knows Lexa is not in the room next to hers, like she used to be before. Like she _should_ still be.

She opens the heavy door in hopes of seeing the Commander herself, but instead finds only the guards. Of course. She isn't Lexa. Clarke doesn't get special treatment anymore. "Heda wants to see you." One of them says, moving to the side so that Clarke can pass.

"Wanheda."

"Commander," the blonde uses the title that still feels like it belongs to someone else. "I trust that you have an answer for me?"

"You should know I was advised against your presence in Polis. It has come to my attention that the last Commander's decisions regarding this matter were not exactly popular."

"That doesn't mean they weren't in the best interests of your people," Clarke, too used to talking freely about strategies and plans with the grounders, does not hesitate before replying. "It has come to _my_ attention that you are aware of the power of our guns."

A warrior next to Ontari lunches forward, nearly knocking Clarke to the ground before the young Commander orders, " _Em pleni!"_

He stops immediately, but doesn't back away, "Heda, she just threatened us."

But the look on Ontari's face is not one of accusation. "No, she didn't. She stated a fact."

Clarke needs to stop herself from staring at the girl, choosing instead to continue the conversation in an attempt to hide her surprise. "What I meant," she shoots the warrior a warning glare, "Is that my people are not the only ones that could get hurt. And when we agreed to become the 13th clan, your people became my people, too. I don't want any of them to die if we can avoid it."

Ontari remains silent, and then a small smirk forms, "You mean _Lexa's_ people. Don't think I don't know why such generous offer was even made to you, Klark kom Skaikru," she gets up, taking deliberate, slow steps towards the blonde, "And I have witnessed, firsthand, your loyalty to her. What insurance do I have that I would be granted the same loyalty, should I accept your offer?"

"Your insurance is Arkadia," Clarke replies, locking her gaze with the leader's, "Everyone I care about is already under siege," a little white lie, "If I betray you, nothing keeps you from carrying on with your plan. All I ask for is what Lexa granted me. _Time_. Time for my people to change leadership and pledge their loyalty to you once more. On your terms. No more senseless killings. No more massacres."

"It has been days since our army started assembling," the brunette points out, "and your people achieved nothing."

"It is under way. Soon. It may have happened already."

"How would you know?" Ontari raises her eyebrow, "When you disappeared with the Commander's body and a prisoner," she emphasizes the words, letting Clarke know that these are also issues that will be dealt with, "No one saw you anywhere near Arkadia."

 _That_ gives Clarke pause. She knows for a fact a lot of the Grounders saw her at camp. With Lexa. And she remembers quite vividly asking for their help to save Lexa, so they had to know she was alive. Granted, they were just starting to assemble, and at the time they were mostly Indra's men, all Trikru. She wonders if Indra made sure the truth wouldn't spread. The warrior probably told them that Lexa ended up dying without the blood she needed, and that they should tell the others no details of it.

So, from what the blonde can tell, what Ontari knows is that Lexa died in Polis and she simply took her body away. Which gives her a powerful advantage she didn't foresee. But what to do with that?

She decides to get the Commander talking a bit more, and see if there is more useful information she can get. "The prisoner was to go back to Arkadia with Octavia and myself, before the blockade took place. I did not take him from you, he was given back to me." A stretch of the truth, at most.

"And the Commander's body?"

 _That's it,_ Clarke thinks. That is the moment when she finds herself threading that fine line between omitting the truth and downright lying. "Titus took that… thing from her body."

Ontari almost unconsciously brings her hand to the area behind her neck, where said thing now resides.

"And I knew that was the most important thing for your people. I just wanted…" her eyes tear up, and she lets them, although not one single tear falls. She takes a deep breath and faces Ontari head on, "I just wanted more time with her. I wasn't ready to let her go."

More than a half truth, Clarke's words couldn't be more honest.

And, because of the short distance between them, the blonde sees it. A flash of hurt, and maybe even recognition, passing through Ontari's eyes, one that she makes sure to wipe away in a split second.

"Look, I'm sorry," the blonde says, honestly, "Clearly, I'm not as good as you Commanders are when it comes to keeping my head cool and doing what must be done. Most of all, with _accepting_ what must be done. I couldn't, then. But I can assure you Lexa got the respect she deserved. And now I'm here, to make sure that her death was not in vain."

"In taking her body, you showed complete disregard to our traditions."

"I know," Clarke concedes, "And that is why I'm apologizing."

"Very well," Ontari nods, then turns back to take a seat at the throne, "I have something to propose, and it is the only way your people will have a chance at joining the coalition. Lexa may have been willing to hand this out to you for free, but in order to join, your people need to bring something to the table."

"We did," Clarke defends, "We were treating your wounded with our technology."

"And that is all great, but I don't want us to _depend_ on your technology, sky girl. I want us to _own_ it. So you want us to unite? Fine. You hand us your guns. You hand us your machines. The technology stays in Polis, the guns are divided between the other twelve clans. Equally."

"And how about Skaikru? Are we left with nothing?"

"Should you need to defend yourselves, you'll be provided with them, but you won't have them available. I cannot risk you killing another defenseless army. And consider yourself lucky, because I think that is a very small price to pay after all your people did."

"We're supposed to sit there without means of defending ourselves, and trust that you won't attack?"

"Yes," Ontari says calmly, "Isn't that exactly what you asked of us before?"

Stopping to think about it, Clarke knows it isn't an unreasonable demand at all. Ontari is right. Considering everything Skaikru has done, even after the Grounders swore to help them and not strike back, it is fair.

But she is just about to reply when the door bursts open. It's happened way too many times in the past for the blonde to know that this is a bad sign. That something big just happened, and she is about to get the news delivered at the same time as the Commander.

Her entire face pales, though, when she hears them.

"Skaikru attacked us."

If this was Lexa, Clarke would look at her and they would try to figure things out together. If this was Lexa, she would look at Clarke and demand an explanation, and come up with a fair solution. And, if this was Lexa, Clarke would be free to speak her mind if she disagreed.

But this isn't Lexa.

"Arrest her," Ontari orders without hesitation, "she is not to leave her room until I say so. I want at least three guards there, at all times."

"Commander, let me at least hear what is ha…"

" _Shof op!_ " she orders.

Clarke only has time to hear a few words before she is dragged back to her room, and hears the door locking from the outside. The same few words that play over and over in her mind.

 _Skaikru fighting each other._

 _We killed many of them._

x-x-x-x-x

Hours seem to pass by, though Clarke cannot be sure, for the sun is still up in the sky. As she paces inside the room, her minds races through several different problems at once.

She is safe, but she needs to warn Lexa, or the brunette will drive herself crazy wondering.

She needs to find out exactly what happened, and how an internal rebellion could've turned into an attack against the Grounders.

She _needs_ to know if her mother is still alive. As well as her friends.

But any means of escape is very unlikely right now. The windows are not a possibility, not this high up in the building. She will need help. So she moves to the door and bangs on it as hard as she can manage.

"I need to talk to Kind Roan of Azgeda," she yells, ignoring the loud noise she gets in return, when the guards knock on the door from the other side – a warning for her to shut up. _At least they are listening,_ she thinks to herself, and keeps on yelling until, with a victorious grin, she hears the door being unlocked.

But it isn't Roan who walks in. It is the Commander herself.

"You are disturbing an important meeting, maybe you would be more comfortable in a cell if your accommodations don't suit you."

"I need to be a part of that meeting. I need to…"

"Things are changed around here, in case you didn't notice," Ontari walks dangerously towards Clarke, "You don't call the shots, you don't make the decisions, and you certainly don't control the Commander anymore."

"I don't _want_ to control anyone," the blonde replies, exasperated, "I want for us to live our lives without having to look back and wait for the next army to attack. That is what I've been trying to tell you."

"Well, your people don't agree, because no matter how much time we give them, they want a war. You may be different, but they aren't. They hate us."

 _You may be different._

"There are others like me in there. People who are willing to fight _for_ you. They are the ones I'm trying to protect."

"I need to protect the other twelve clans. I can't favor yours."

"Can you at least treat us equally?"

"Not at this moment, no," Ontari answers honestly, "The clans already agreed."

"To what?"

"To war," the brunette swallows hard, but keeps her head high. "The actions of your people can no longer be tolerated."

Clarke catches every little thing. She notices the way Ontari is resolute in her decisions, but also what her eyes show: doubt. With each word, wondering if she is good enough, if she can really do this, if she knows what the right choice is. She can see the weight of the world in the brunette's shoulders, and that she is learning very fast what it truly means to lead.

"I agree," she finally says, managing to surprise the younger leader, "But let me at least try. If anyone surrenders and swears loyalty to the clans, will they be spared? I can fight my own people. I can fight the ones who truly want to kill yours."

"What makes you think they would follow you? They didn't, before."

"Because they want to be safe," Clarke sighs, "It's all most of us want, ever since we got to the ground."

Ontari keeps her gaze fixed at Clarke, paying attention to every single movement and every single look. The blonde doesn't look away, not wanting to give her a reason to doubt her intentions. "We march in an hour's time," the Commander announces. "You come with us, and you go in once we get to camp. Don't make any mistakes here, we _will_ attack, whether you're still in there or not. So you better convince them quickly."

"I will," Clarke nods, trying to hide her hesitation. If this is the best deal she will get, she is willing to risk it.

"Very well," she turns and walks back to the door, "Get ready, someone will fetch you when it's time to leave."

"Commander," Clarke calls out, taking another step to the door, "I need to talk to King Roan."

"That is too bad. King Roan was ordered to go back to Azgeda and gather the remaining warriors. He is not in Polis anymore."

The door closes with a loud bang, and once again is locked, leaving a distraught blonde inside the room. If Roan isn't there anymore, she is on her own, no allies to help, or even to send Lexa a message.

She can only hope that, when they leave Polis, she gets the chance to at least catch a glimpse of _her_ Heda and Lincoln.

x-x-x-x-x

The tall gates of the city open, revealing the soldiers that start their march to Arkadia. The Commander rides just behind two guards. Not far behind her, Clarke walks, tied to one of the horses, her hands bound together. _I am not taking any chances with you,_ Ontari had said, not giving the blonde any time to react. When she did start to react, though, the leader reminded her what was at stake. She could travel with them on their terms or she could rot inside a cell in Polis while the war took place, it was her choice.

Clarke stopped fighting after that.

At least she wasn't hurt, except for her arm, from their trip there, which was starting to sting more than before. She would worry about it when she had the time, though. Not now.

Either way, it was the first time since getting there that the Commander's attention was not fully on her, so she took the opportunity to look around, desperately searching for any signs of Lexa and Lincoln. If she knows they saw her, if she can put their mind at ease, she can go the rest of the way with one less thing to worry about.

But all she sees are the trees.

They walk much faster than she and Lexa did on their way to Polis, so by nightfall they are more than halfway to Arkadia. They set up camp, Clarke being kept inside one of the tents, not far from the Commander's. She is given food and the tent is warm, albeit small.

Untied and sitting inside, she takes the opportunity to check her arm. It doesn't look too bad, but she doesn't have anything at hand to clean it. When she asks one of the other warriors, they barely pay any attention.

Once again, sleep doesn't come easy, especially when all she has is free time, and is being kept isolated from everyone else. So, in the middle of the night, her eyes are wide open when she hears movement outside. The sound of a body falling with a thump and being dragged, and then her tent being open.

Her heart beats quicker when she sees long, dark hair, and her body relaxes. _Lexa._ But the dark of night tricks the brain into seeing what it wants to see, and the face soon reveals itself to belong to someone else.

"Shhhh."

The woman's features become clearer as she comes close and grabs Clarke by the arm – her bad arm. The blonde keeps herself from screaming, trying to identify the older Asian woman. She knows she is from the Ark, and, even if she didn't, the uniform now gives her away.

Such uniform also seems to reveal something else: she is with Pike.

A piece of cloth is wrapped around Clarke's mouth, keeping her from saying anything as she is dragged outside.

"When he said you were helping them, I didn't want to believe him. Against your own people?" the woman drags Clarke outside before signaling for other soldiers – and they seem to be all around them – to come closer. Armed. Ready to strike.

Clarke assesses the situation and she knows she doesn't have the luxury of time now before she has to make a decision. One quick look around tells her these are Pike's people only. None of her friends seem to be there, not even Bellamy.

It all happens in a split second. She kicks whoever is holding her back, freeing herself from their grasp and managing to take her gag off. Her scream comes a mere second before the shooting starts.

"Commander, watch out!"

After that, there is only chaos.

x-x-x-x-x

Fires and arrows are shot, bodies fall all around her. Clarke doesn't have time to think. This is it. This is her opportunity to finish this nonsense once and for all.

These people were given chance after chance, and it has become clear that they are not interested in peace. It is about damn time she stops sacrificing herself for them.

Still, she can't bring herself to kill them. But it doesn't mean she can't use their second cowardly attack to her advantage, to prove a point.

So she runs to the Commander's tent. This time, no one stops her from coming in.

Ontari is up, unharmed, quickly adjusting her armor. "Commander," Clarke catches her attention with a heavy breath.

"Clarke," Ontari uses her name for the first time, giving little more than a slight nod. A small gesture that says a lot – a recognition, a thank you. And Clarke knows she is in. She has proven herself.

But this is hardly the time for a heart to heart. The Commander passes right by her, ready to fight with her people, leaving the blonde alone inside.

She wants to run and having nothing more to do with any of this. She is sick of the screams of pain, of the sound of arrows, spears, gunshots. But this _is_ her world, at least for the time being. So she takes a dagger she truly hopes she won't have to put to use and marches outside.

Just as the few Ark soldiers left start to retreat.

The blonde's eyes are transfixed, the image so surreal to her, her mind trying to make sense of it all. Would they have killed her, too? Or maybe kept her a prisoner? There was nothing about the way they took her that indicated they were in any way happy to see her.

Her thoughts are interrupted when, without the blonde noticing, the Commander steps right beside her, also looking ahead, blonde and brunette slowly calming their breathing, their bodies recovering from the unpleasant surprise.

"You warned me," Ontari rasps, still not looking to her side.

Clarke doesn't say anything, simply turns back towards the camp and starts helping the injured as a very intrigued Commander observes.

x-x-x-x-x

There are many dead, from both sides. As she walks through the bodies, Clarke recognizes some, and has to turn her head away. None are friends, but are still familiar faces that, once more, have lost their lives because of something she had to do.

As time goes by, the lines between _her_ people and _their_ people start to blur more and more, and she finds herself redefining her allegiances on an almost daily basis. After all, why would she protect Pike and those who stand by him? People who nearly killed Kane? Who would not hesitate to kill Lincoln? The two men are, after all, more of her people than Pike will ever be.

But where does Ontari fit in the middle of all that?

Slowly, she is starting to find out.

"Wanheda," Ontari leaves her tent, blood splattered over her clothes, though none of it seems to be hers, and signals for the blonde to go inside. When she does, the Commander speaks, "You said you needed to know what was happening. Well, I think you earned that right."

Clarke is too tired to be shocked. "Good. So you know why they attacked?"

"From what we were able to gather, they saw our hesitation as a sign of weakness. That we didn't know what we were doing," she swallows, pointing at the maps over her table to distract her own mind, "Our scouts indicate they are weakened inside Arkadia, too. They were desperate, saw an opportunity, and took it."

"When you say _they_ …" Clarke starts, but doesn't have to finish.

"Pike's people," she confirms. "When they attacked our camp yesterday, another front appeared, from the side. We thought it was an ambush, a few were killed. But they were there to fight with us. That was how we managed to win," she admits.

The blonde doesn't think of the dead ones, of who they might be. She won't be able to continue this conversation if she does. "What happened to them after that?"

"Pike's group retreated into Arkadia, the other group went after them. My people heard gunshots, but they are not sure what happened, or who is in charge at the moment. These people from today… did you see which direction they came from?"

Clarke nods, immediately remembering the big group starting to form around them, slowly circling the camp. But they all came from one direction. She looks down, closes her eyes and remains silent.

"Clarke?"

There is something about Ontari's tone. Something that makes her sound so young all of a sudden, and it makes the blonde look back up.

"They came from Arkadia," she sighs heavily, "at least from that direction. But they were Pike's people."

"They came to rescue you?" the leader asks, but Clarke can tell from her tone alone that she doesn't quite believe this to be a real possibility.

The blonde shakes her head. "I don't think so. I think they wanted to make sure to keep me out of their way."

"We can't stay here." Ontari says after a moment's pause. "We'll march until we reach the camp. Be ready to leave as soon as we take care of the bodies."

The blonde nods and leaves the tent, walking towards her own. On her way there, she sees a glimpse of something in the woods. Or _someone_.

Back on full alert, she is ready to warn the warriors when she realizes it is definitely a familiar face, looking right back at her. _Octavia._

It isn't hard, this time, to find an excuse to entrench herself into the woods for a few minutes. She takes one of the bodies and starts to drag it, far enough until no one is paying attention. Finally, she sets it in place and runs to the safety of the trees, where no one from their camp can see them.

"I tried to come sooner to warn you, are you ok?" Octavia says, her eyes scanning Clarke for injuries as soon as she comes close.

"I'm fine. We were caught by surprise, but it could've been worse. What is going on?"

The brunette shakes her head. "It's war in there. People are killing each other, and it's only getting worse."

She asks the question she isn't sure she wants the answer to. "Did we lose anyone?"

Octavia's headshake is enough for Clarke to let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Not for now. We've been keeping safe. Look, we don't have much time."

"I know, we need to talk about…"

"No, we don't," Octavia interrupts her with a small smile as she steps aside, "There is someone here who wants to kill you for not checking in last night."

When Lexa emerges from the trees and immediately engulfs her in a bone crushing hug, she feels like she can truly breathe again.

She wraps her arms around the brunette, letting her head fall on her shoulder, and trails kisses from her neck, her jaw, until she reaches her mouth. The entire time, Lexa whispers, "You're safe," and the blonde wonders if she is telling herself that more than she's telling anyone else.

"I'm so sorry. I had no way of letting you know without putting you in danger," she whispers when their lips part, cupping Lexa's face and smiling, "How did you find me?"

"We saw you leaving Polis and we followed. But we were too far to see when they attacked the camp, there wasn't time to do anything."

"I know," Clarke nods, "I know, we weren't expecting that, either. But I warned Ontari. It may have saved her life. I'm getting there. I'm earning her trust, and I think we can work together."

"Against your own people?" Lexa's eyebrow rises.

But Clarke shakes her head. "Pike's people are not my people. Not anymore."

"And how is that even going to work if they're all still inside Arkadia?"

"That is what I'm trying to figure out."

Their attention is diverted by the sound of footsteps slowly approaching, and Clarke holds on to Lexa just a little tighter.

"I have to go. Will you be around?" it is a plea more than a question.

"You know I will."

"Ok," Clarke nods to herself, "I need to go," she repeats, but doesn't make a move to leave Lexa's side, instead looking into her eyes and getting tired of having to say goodbye over and over.

"I'll be with you," Lexa says softly, placing her hand over Clarke's heart and stepping closer to kiss her, "I'll be with you the entire time."

The blonde kisses back, and when they pull away, she is the one with a tear falling down her cheek. "I love you," she says right before turning her back and running to camp.

x-x-x-x-x

They are nearly ready to go, the Commander reaching Clarke's tent mere minutes after the blonde herself is back. "Come on, we're on our way."

There isn't much to take with her, so Clarke reaches for the dagger she just used in battle, looking at Ontari to see if she protests. When the brunette offers a small nod, she takes the weapon and secures it by her side before leaving.

She still doesn't have a horse. But at least she is not tied up. She walks like one of them, and she wonders how longer this new type of truce will last once they find out the truth about Lexa.

To her surprise, Ontari isn't riding, either. Clarke doesn't notice it until the girl starts to walk next to her. "Given the attacks, they thought it was better if I'm not at plain sight," she explains.

"Who is _they_?" Clarke asks, letting curiosity get the best of her. If they are going to walk in the middle of the night after an attack, she may as well try to get more answers.

"My council."

That is one more burning question she has the chance to eliminate. "Titus?"

Ontari keeps walking, and then looks at Clarke somewhat condescendingly. She doesn't need to say another word. Despite everything, Clarke's shoulder fall as she sighs.

"Who made the decision? You?"

The young Commander shakes her head. "It was before the conclave. The rest of the council decided, once they learned the details of her death. He killed Heda. They couldn't risk him being too close to the next one."

"Would you make the same decision?"

It doesn't take Ontari long to look right into Clarke's eyes and reply, without a shadow of doubt. "Yes, I would."

"Lexa forgave him," she whispers, "before she… closed her eyes."

"Well," the girl raises her head, assuming a more regal stance before looking back at Clarke, "No one was there to tell them that, were they?"

Without a shred of guilt, she walks away, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts.

Did she just blame the blonde for Titus' fate? Or was she simply having some twisted kind of fun out of this? No matter how close the blonde thinks she's getting, there is a sort of darkness in Ontari that she cannot quite understand. It's like it's always just under the surface, only showing itself at rare times, just enough to warn anyone who might doubt it's there.

The Commander, cold and calculating, makes the decisions she must, and allies herself to those who have something to offer. But the girl hides another side of herself, and that side is precisely the wild card Clarke and Lexa need to unveil. At times, she seems almost vulnerable, a child caught in the eye of the storm. In other moments, though, she is every bit the Ice Queen, wanting revenge against those who in any way wronged her. However position she assumes, she walks dangerously close to the line, without ever allowing herself to fully cross it.

But, in a world in which war and death are the law, what would consist in crossing the line, exactly? Did Lexa cross the line when she killed Nia in front of her people, even if it meant ensuring Azgeda's loyalty? Or when she took Clarke in, making her a part of the big decisions? Would Ontari be willing to do such things, to change their ways?

More importantly, when the time comes, how will she handle finding out that Lexa is alive? Clarke didn't notice the anger she expected to find in the younger brunette whenever the former Commander was mentioned. Maybe she can separate things better than the blonde gives her credit for. Maybe it is the wisdom of the old Commanders inside that damn chip. Whatever it is, it is going to work to their advantage.

No one else approaches Clarke during their walk to camp, some too scared to do so, some looking at her with disdain and distrust. She doesn't mind at first, it gives her time to gather her thoughts. But her lack of sleep soon starts to catch up to her, and she about to find Ontari again and ask for a horse when they finally reach the camp.

And it is a sight to behold. Much, much bigger than it was when she and Lexa left. If she didn't know better, she would think it's been months, for the place works almost like a small village now.

Which makes it that much harder to find the one she's looking for.

"Indra!" Forgetting her exhaustion, Clarke runs to the woman the second she sees her, and when she gets an inquisitive look from the warrior, she knows what is being asked, "She's ok, she's with Lincoln and Octavia," she whispers before getting to the point. "Now, please, can we talk about these attacks?"

"I will deal with my Commander, not with you, Wanheda." Indra's voice is a little louder than it would be necessary, and the blonde gets it. The less they interact in public, the better. So she doesn't protest when the woman passes by her and makes her way to the new Commander, the two women walking together as Ontari is briefed. She knows that, in due time, Indra, or someone on her service, will find a way to discuss this with her.

She walks to a hill nearby, where she has plain view of Arkadia, the movement inside as heavily armed guards keep the gates closed and safe. She doesn't know what is going on in there, and it kills her. All the blonde wants is a small glimpse of her mother. If she can see her, see that she's unharmed, she can keep going. But she knows that Abby is probably inside, taking care of the wounded that came from the battle which took place only hours ago. That is Abby. She may not agree with those people, but she won't be able to live with herself if she doesn't do her best to save their lives. Clarke can't blame her. She is every bit Abby's daughter. She'd do the same.

Her eyes scan through the crowd, far away, trying to recognize the faces, trying to remember what it felt like to be there, with them. She can barely recall. Suddenly, she sees him. Carrying a gun, walking from one side to the other. She can't quite see his eyes, or his expression, but she knows it's him.

And, as if he can feel her watching, he also looks up and she knows for sure that he sees her. They hold each other's gaze for a long time, and she suddenly misses her friend. The one who helped her keep them safe. The one who risked going into Mount Weather to save not only their people, but the Grounders trapped there, too. The one who refused to obey _their_ rules, set on creating their own. The one who grew so much ever since they landed, and now seems to have been brainwashed by greed, hate, and power.

With a heavy heart, she looks away from him and from Arkadia – no longer her home, and probably no longer the home to her people, either – and makes her way to camp without looking back.

* * *

 _Em pleni! – Enough!_

 _Shof op – Shut up_


	8. Chapter 8

_Few things with this chapter! I wanted to do something a little different, because it has been pointed out to me that it could be interesting to see what was happening inside Arkadia all this time. Since I have been writing on Clarke's point of view up until now, I had to change it a little bit, and hopefully it will shed some light into what is going on in there. I know Arkadia and most of its people is the last thing most of us care about, though, so I made half the chapter the way it's been till now, and the other half on Arkadia. Next one will probably continue there, and then end with Clarke again and then the fic will go in its usual format. Please let me know if you like it or if it was a horrible idea and I should just stick with Clarke, hahaha._

 _Secondly, I thought I'd make it clear that I am not getting into the whole Alie thing in this story. With the stuff with Clexa and the stuff in Arkadia, I find that the fic would be too full of different plots and it would be too much. Plus, there's no Lexa chip in my story, so I really don't care about Alie so far. -grins- So for Raven, for example, her leg is in pain and Abby is helping her and that's where we're at._

 _One more thing I need to say is that I won't be updating next week as I'll be out of town. But that's kind of ok, right? Cause at least Alycia will be on the show? Or maybe that makes it worse. Either way, I am soooo sorry, but I just know I won't have the time. I'll probably update the week after that, although I can make no promises. So one week hiatus for sure, possibly two, but I'll do my best to come back with a brand new chapter earlier than that._

 _Last but definitely not least, I really wanted to make sure I updated on time, so this chapter was barely reviewed. I will look into it later more carefully to look for both inconsistencies between what I'm saying here and what may have been said before regarding the facts and timing, as well as grammar and spelling mistakes in general, and I'll fix it, I promise. In true Clarke fashion, I apologize in advance! But I hope you enjoy what I've got so far. Thank you to those of you who take the time to write a review, that means a lot!_

* * *

 **Close your eyes, I'll keep you safe**

 **Chapter 8**

Clarke is back inside the Commander's tent as soon as she reaches camp – and it is all incredibly familiar. Only difference being that Ontari is a lot less inclined to take any idea she has into consideration, and it also doesn't seem like she would think twice before using the blonde as leverage, given the right incentive. So Clarke tries to make sure she doesn't get such incentive.

There are other leaders with them, Indra included. She looks at Clarke briefly and nods. Those grounders and their nods. It could mean anything, from 'hey, what's up' to 'yes, you should kill them' to 'I am totally on your side'. Luckily, Clarke has spent enough time around these people that she can recognize some of the subtleties in each gesture. With Indra, she is fairly certain it is a 'hello, nice to see you again', or something to that effect.

"We killed two more this morning, who were found trying to leave Arkadia with guns," one of the leaders reports, and it earns a thoughtful look from the Commander herself, and a glare from Clarke.

"Were they attacking?" the blonde asks right away, to which the tall warrior scoffs.

"They had guns, we are not waiting for them to take the first shot – again," he adds, knowing that she, too, knows all too well about all the ways in which her people cannot be trusted.

"What if they were among the resistance?"

"Then they should not be walking around with guns," Ontari replies without flinching, her tone cold.

Clarke rolls her eyes, walks closer to her and faces her head on. "So would you rather the ones who actually want to kill you hold all the guns in there?"

They stare at one another, neither daring to be the first to look away. Clarke always takes these moments to try and see something else on the girl she _needs_ to get to know better. Her own survival may depend on it.

But Ontari's eyes, that usually work as a good window to her mind, show nothing more than resolve and determination. More than that. Clarke soon notices that _she_ is also being analyzed.

Knowing how bad she is sometimes at keeping her feelings and secrets to herself, she folds. Wanheda is the first to look away, much to the Commander's surprise.

The brunette lifts her hand dismissively, ending the subject without more discussion. "You wanted to go to Arkadia and convince them to surrender. Go."

Clarke's forehead creases, her feet don't move. "Just… go?"

"Wasn't that our deal?"

It takes about a second for her to notice that the Commander cares very little about the blonde's security once she leaves their camp – maybe even before that. "How much time do I have?"

"That will depend solely on your people," Ontari replies, enigmatic.

"What does that mean, exactly?" Clarke dares to take a step closer, but two of the guards stand in front of her, keeping her from taking another one. "How will I let you know if there's progress?"

"I don't care about progress, I care about results. If you don't deliver them, we will attack, whether you're in there or not."

The blonde, never having been one to shy away from an argument, opens her mouth and nearly fires something back. For once, though, she decides to take a different approach: do what she's told. "I will deliver," she says simply, before taking her leave.

x-x-x-x-x

"Wanheda," Indra follows Clarke out of the tent, "May we have a word?" she signals for the hill from which the blonde observed her people earlier.

Indra has never been one to talk much. Most grounders don't, always letting their actions show who they are and what they believe in. Clarke has learned to like that. It wipes off a lot of the hypocrisy she's grown used to in space. Right now, however, they need to communicate, more than ever.

"Your friends are safe," she speaks carefully, "those who were killed recently were all on Pike's side. They were leaving with guns to go after us both: my people and those of your people who are resisting him."

"So they aren't all inside?" Clarke looks to the side curiously, breathing in relief when Indra shakes her head.

"Some of them are. Your mother, and Raven, for example. They cannot come and go as they please, because they are too important for Arkadia. But a lot of the others meet at a cave outside. You need to circle around Arkadia and go behind, past the stream. Octavia can show you."

The blonde absorbs the words, her eyes scanning the area, but everything behind Arkadia evades her line of sight. "I don't have time," she whispers, "she may attack at any moment, and I need to get inside."

"They can tell you who's on your side, you need that information first."

But her mind goes to her mother. It is a chance she is not willing to take this time. "I'll go to them after," she decides.

Indra, on her turn, rolls her eyes in a way that, strangely enough, Clarke would describe as 'motherly'.

She gathers some courage to leave, but not before smiling at the warrior next to her, "Thank you, Indra."

"Don't be a fool," the woman replies and walks away.

x-x-x-x-x

Of all the things Indra says, the one that stays with Clarke the most is a truth she cannot avoid: before going in, she needs to know who is with them. She was sadly mistaken last time, thinking she could swing Bellamy's allegiance to their side, and she can't afford to be wrong again.

Which means she needs Octavia.

The fact that seeing Octavia also means seeing Lexa is a very welcome bonus.

They gather a mile or so into the forest, far enough not to be heard by either army. Clarke sits, while Lexa paces in front of her, Octavia and Lincoln standing calmly a few steps ahead.

"So right now we have my mother, Raven, Monty, Sinclair, and Kane in there at all times, right? The others are safe outside?"

Octavia, arms crossed as she leans against an old tree, confirms. "They know we have a place somewhere, but they didn't find us yet. Those who are inside were not a part of the attack that helped the grounders."

"Ontari said that this group went back to Arkadia after Pike's people. That there were gunshots."

"I wasn't there, either, so I'm not sure. We had guns, too."

"Do you _have_ any guns now?"

Lexa stops pacing the moment Clarke asks the question, her hand unconsciously going to the healing wound on her chest. The blonde wastes no time in reaching out for her other hand, gently tugging it, silently asking the brunette to sit next to her. "I don't like it, either," she says, her voice quiet, addressing only the brunette next to her, "But I need to be able to defend myself if it comes to that."

"I know," she concedes, "Do what you must."

Octavia approaches them, the rustling of the dried leaves beneath her feet the only indication for Clarke, who is still paying close attention to Lexa. "It doesn't matter, we don't have any here. But once you get to Abby and Kane, they'll help you."

As the conversation carries on, Clarke starts to notice that it is all starting to sound a lot less like a diplomatic mission and a lot more like a hostile takeover. "He's not going to step back easily, is he?"

Octavia shakes her head. "We tried. We did. He doesn't even have the support of the majority anymore, but he has the army and the guns."

"So I'm going in there to fight," the blonde half asks, half affirms, "How about the others?"

"Lincoln and I will go to them now, you will have backup in a few minutes."

"Wait, wait a minute!" Lexa gets on her feet, each arm stretched towards one of the girls to give them pause, "A full blown battle? That was not the plan."

Clarke stands up, too, moving closer to Lexa until the brunette's hand is resting over the blonde's shoulder. "Plans change all the time in battle," she says, with a sad smile. A smile that is uncertain of the future, and it seems too much, too soon, for both of them.

"I'm going with you," Lexa decides, "If the idea is to take him down, it doesn't matter if they know I'm alive. I'll hide my face if I have to, but I will not stand back while all of you fight the man with all the guns."

"No," Clarke says immediately, which doesn't surprise anyone in the group. "No way, it's too dangerous. If they find out you're you, they'll target you, they'll use that."

"Clarke, they'll target you, too. And Lincoln. And all the ones who have been helping us. They are not in any less danger than I will be, so why should they go and risk their lives while I stay safely behind?"

"But you… you're the Commander, we can use that…"

"We can't. We both know I am not leverage, not in this situation. I am a liability, perhaps even more so if my people find me before we tell them. I am more useful if I go undercover and fight with all of you. And I know you know that."

It is true, Clarke does know it. It doesn't mean she has to like it. She shrugs Lexa's hand off her shoulder and walks to Octavia and Lincoln. "How do we get inside without being seen? Same way as before?"

"They sealed that entrance, but there are others. I'll show you."

Octavia takes a small stick and clears some leaves from the ground so she can draw them a map. As she explains the different options to Clarke, Lexa starts to pull her hair up as Lincoln helps her put on his jacket – the closest they have to Skaikru apparel. The former Commander looks almost like she could've been born in space, brought to the ground inside the dropship, just like Clarke.

For a moment, the blonde thinks of a world in which they have both led normal lives. No wars and no survival necessary. In which they could go on dates, and sit on the couch and watch TV. Then she chuckles to herself, sadly, and shakes her head, her mind going back to Octavia and their plans.

 _Back to reality, Clarke._ Reality, as per usual, demands the entirety of her attention. There is no time for day dreams.

x-x-x-x-x

"Ark to Raven!" Monty snaps his fingers in front of the mechanic's face, bringing her back to a reality that she would rather escape. "We need this one ready for the next patrol," he speaks loud enough for others to hear, even though both of them roll their eyes.

Pike's plan to simply ransack every village around them and think it will never go unpunished is delusional. It is only a matter of time until Lexa changes her mind and decides that, yes, blood _must_ have blood. Again. They are pushing her limits, and everyone seems to know it but the ones who actually hold the guns.

Raven and Monty, having been recruited by Pike, take care of a great deal of the preparation that comes before each attack. And every time the fighters come back with 'good news', it feels like a punch to their stomachs.

Nevertheless, the others who now start to form the resistance insisted they would be valuable assets, getting information from within the Chancellor's command so they could coordinate ways to take him out should he get too extreme.

Things are quickly escalating to that.

"I'm sorry, were you saying something?" she turns from the vehicle to her friend, and it is only then that she notices the solemn look on his face. The easy smile she is starting to sport more often is soon wiped from her face. "Monty, what's wrong?"

The boy looks around. The open space of the hangar is hardly the best place to have this kind of conversation. All around them, people walk by, eventually yelling at each other, carrying pieces of equipment, and operating very loud machinery. But no one is currently too close to them, and having Raven walk away in the middle of a shift would raise more suspicion. He needs to say it. "It's Lexa."

"What about her?" Raven shakes her head, thinking of the endless possibilities regarding the Commander. All of them end with Skaikru being royally screwed. "Did she decide to attack?"

"No, she…" she sees Monty swallowing hard, hesitating. She knows, then, it is something far more serious than that. "She is dead, Raven."

"She is WHAT?" the last word is much louder than it should be, and it attracts unwanted attention. The girl looks at the mechanic who is now staring at her, and points to the door that leads outside, "I just… I don't feel too well, I'll take a short break."

Monty walks with her until they are at a safe distance. They are at plain sight of everyone doing rounds, but at least, with all the sounds from the woods and the people, no one can hear them here.

"This is not good, Monty."

"You don't think I know that? Pike just found out, he is… well, he is like a little kid at Christmas. It's a little scary, really."

"What about Clarke?" Raven thinks of her friend immediately. Sure, they haven't seen each other in months, and sure, the blonde chose to stay in Polis rather than come back to her people, but the young mechanic could understand. Not only that, she also knew Clarke well enough to be absolutely sure she spent every day trying to keep them all safe. "Wasn't she under Lexa's protection? She'll be in danger now, won't she?"

"She left," her friend replies, "She may be coming here, or she may have bolted again, no one knows. All we know is that she is no longer there."

Raven's mind is a whirlwind of different thoughts that seem to collide and confront one another. Clarke could be in danger. _They_ are certainly in danger. Who will be the next Commander? What exactly happened to Lexa? How will Pike act from here on? She doesn't have any answers yet, but there is one single thing she is sure of. "We need to take Pike out, and we need to do it fast. It's our only chance at being on the new Commander's good side, whoever she or he may be."

"We may have bigger problems than Pike," a voice comes unexpectedly, not too far from where they stand. Fear is replaced by relief when Raven and Monty recognize its owner as one of their own: Miller. The boy points at the fence, "More grounder troops are coming. They are up to something."

Raven watches the movement behind the fence. She sees more warriors arriving, and wonders if these people are coming by the orders of Lexa or someone new already. It can't be someone new, there wasn't enough time. And if it's Lexa, it is unlikely they are there to attack them. She turns back to the boys. "Nothing is a bigger problem than Pike right now."

x-x-x-x-x

It takes their scouts but a couple of days to find the information they need: the new Commander has been chosen, and she is not friendly to Arkadia. That also explains why the grounders camps just outside are starting to receive not only more people, but heavily armed ones, too. It explains why Pike is pushing his soldiers so hard, and trying to gather enough support for another surprise attack.

Raven quickly notices a few problems with that plan. First, not all of the people who were part of the first attack are willing to do that again. Hide as they might, it was clearly a brutal experience most are not eager to repeat. Second, the grounders themselves should be more than aware of that possibility by now. They will not be taken by surprise a second time. It is probably what keeps the Chancellor from acting on impulse, from being as quick as he was last time.

So he waits.

And, as he does, Miller, Harper, Jasper, and some of the others start to meet at a cave nearby, scout, gather information to prepare a counter-attack, if it comes to that. They then report back to the ones who are not able to leave Arkadia, like Raven herself.

It is after one of those meetings that she finds herself hopeful once more. For the one to come to her and report is not Miller. Or Jasper. It is Octavia.

As much as she wants to make a big deal out of it, she keeps working on one of the computers – this time, they are close to central command, and need to be even more careful when speaking – and acts as if Octavia's presence there is an everyday occurrence. "Good to have you back," she whispers, smiling, for a minute even forgetting the ever present pain in her leg.

"I wish I could say it's good to be back but… Raven, things are a mess."

Raven doesn't reply. There is no point in trying to deny the obvious, so she wastes no time on it. Instead, she keeps working, and waits for something _less_ obvious to be said.

As if understanding what her friend is doing, Octavia huffs and resumes her report. "There are twice as many grounders out there since last week's count, the guys think they are reluctant because of our guns. They're probably right," she gives half a shrug, half a nod, "New Commander is a bitch, there's going to be a war unless we get Pike under control, blah blah blah, oh, and Clarke is safe," she throws the information out there, and it takes Raven a moment to catch on it. When she does, she _definitely_ forgets all about the pain in her leg.

"Well, where is she?"

"She is…" Octavia hesitates. Raven notices, but doesn't push for now, "She is nearby, but needs some time."

The mechanic nods. None of them ever really knew exactly what was going on between their leader and the Grounders' Commander, but it didn't take a genius to know they meant quite a great deal to each other. This is not a loss Clarke will be taking lightly. "Should she really be alone now?"

"Abby has seen her. She will be ok."

There is more to it, Raven can tell. It is written all over Octavia's expression, but whatever it is, it won't be easy to find out. The thing is they don't have time for these things. The most important thing right now is to trust each other. Raven needs to trust that there is a reason Octavia is keeping whatever she's keeping, and focus on what needs to be done.

"Now, what about my stupid brother?"

Raven's scoff is loud enough to actually be heard at central command. And she doesn't give a damn.

x-x-x-x-x

"We still don't have enough people inside!" Miller argues as Abby examines Raven's leg. The young brunette figures she might as well use her time at the medical bay to talk strategies, so she has her health checked, is briefed and makes plans, all at once. Talk about multitasking.

Kane is there, too, under some excuse to carry out an order to lock the medicine cabinets.

Kane was one of the first people to be 'pardoned'. It didn't mean Pike trusted him, he knew he was watched most of the time, but Pike also knew people respected and followed Kane, and was trying every tactic he could to hold onto his rapidly decreasing support base within Arkadia. Because of it, he kept Kane close, and was still trying to use him to stay in power. Whether it was his quick thinking, his fair decisions – and the Chancellor loved to rationalize his own absurd decisions until he twisted the facts so much they became acceptable – or the fact that he was closer to some of the kids from the dropship, most of them who refused to follow orders, he was useful. So he stayed.

"This is the most we will get. If we're going to move, it needs to be now. Before that army outside does, because they are not going to care whose side we're on here," Raven raises her voice. The medical bay is slightly more secluded than most places, which allows them that kind of freedom.

The younger man sighs, staring at Raven for a long time and eventually looking away, which earns a tiny victorious grin from the girl. "Octavia said she needs Lincoln, and she needs him soon. She won't tell anyone what the plan is, but there is one."

Raven's eyebrow shoots up. _She is keeping something from them._

"She said we can stage an escape and maybe use it as a distraction when we go for Pike. A lot of his men are guarding the cells. With Lincoln's help, we could create enough of a diversion to get Pike in there, away from all the guards outside. Then we can at least hope to negotiate."

But Abby doesn't look convinced. "You think he will? He knows that sooner or later his guards will find out, and they'll go, and they'll have a lot more fire power that we can hope to get."

They stay silent, and it goes on long enough for them to know they are at an impasse.

"Everything alright here?" Bellamy, wearing the military jacket and carrying the gun that is now pretty much a part of him, looks inside, facing Kane, and, when no one replies, addresses the man, "Chancellor wants to see you."

They wait for him to turn on his back and go. Only it doesn't happen. He stays, he waits. He waits in silence until Kane walks to him and they leave together. But not before the older man tells Bellamy, "I just need to double check the locks." He quickly does so, subtly leaving a small key between one of them and the wall, and looks at Abby purposefully, "We don't want those falling into the wrong hands."

Abigail Griffin has got a lot of qualities, but subtlety and patience are certainly not her strongest ones. Not even five minutes pass until she swiftly picks up the key and finds the cabinet it opens. She smiles the second she recognizes the pills it holds. "Kane, you always have a plan, don't you?" she whispers to herself.

Raven watches as she takes more than a few of them and hides within her jacket. "Miller," she says, "We are ready."

x-x-x-x-x

"Sleeping pills? That's the plan?" Raven walks to the recreation room turned cafeteria, a nervous Monty by her side.

"It gives us a much better chance, just think about it, we put the guards _and_ Pike to sleep the second they get in there, so they can't call for backup."

"And what happens when one of the guards outside tries to get a hold of Pike and can't reach him, huh? What do we do then?

He gives _her_ a pointy look. "That's where you come in. We need their radios down."

She gives it some thought. It makes sense. If they can't seem to agree on one big plan, they can have a series of small ones that will lead to the same result. "Ok, I can do it. But we also need to be ready for what happens next."

"And what is that?"

"The guards eventually find out what happened," she replies calmly, "they will know for sure who's involved, and these people will need to be as far away from here as possible when that happens. But we can't lose our leverage here."

"Are you saying…?"

"Yes," she confirms, because they are both intelligent enough to know what needs to be done, "I'm saying we cannot be directly involved with this. And I'm saying the ones who are need to be ready to move into that cave permanently."


End file.
